Thursday, October 28, 2010

First Night of Full Lineups

October 28th
At this point my entire body is sore, ravaged, and totally deformed from sitting in front of this computer screen on this uncomfortable chair, drinking heavily during a multitude of drafts, and staring wide-eyed at Stattracker for hours on end to see if this was all really worth it. Lets take a quick look and see if it was.

Trey balls were coming from all corners last night, shit got real, Manu stroked out 5 of 9 while collectively putting together an all around sexy line (22pts, 4ast, 3reb, 2stl, 1blk). Rasual Butler put back 4 from downtown, and shows no signs slowing down as a 6th man court surfing around 30min a game.
James Jones is a sick freak, 6 treys last night and 8 already in 2 games, I guess Mario Chalmers is gone... or dead or something.
And If I were you I'd keep my eye on Aaron Afflalo who slipped 3 in from deep last night and projects himself to find his way into every single bear post from here on in.

Mike Conley had the game of his life last night, 23-5-8 on 60% shooting. I like Conley, I took him as one of my main prospects this year. Theres just something about Memphis I like, the youth, the bestial big men, the drug kingpins, and the Conley.

Speaking of Memphis, Zach Randolph left the game early after landing hard on his tailbone. Now with Zach and Marc Gasol both day to day, Sam Young or Hasheem Thabeet could be starters on Friday. Heres a list of a few more inactive players on the big night.
Chris Anderson
Mehmet Okur
Kenyon Martin
Obviously Oden
Anthony Randolph (here we go again)
Johnny Flynn
Greg Munroe
Mo Williams
Mike Miller's no secret
Brad Miller might as well have not played
Ditto with Spencer Hawes
Ed Davis
Freaky Tyreke Evans
Samuel Delembert

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Drinking and Drafting: Part One

I did too often what I told myself I would only do a couple of times this drafting season: Get drunk and draft.

First up a look at the H2H team (14 teams, 9 cats) I drafted last night, 6 biertje deep.

I mean look at this team. I loathe it. Sickens me. Downright sickens me. In the morning I couldn't even bring myself to look at it. I picked a shit ton of players I hate. Didn't stick to my pre-draft strategy at all and took 4 point guards and David West in the first 5 rounds. Channing Frye was my first center? What the fuck happened there? Ah well, If nothing else this team should be healthy in 3's, assists, FT% and steals. But that's what happens when I try to afford myself a few moments of alcoholic clarity in fantasy. I draft all guards. Fuck it. I'm in 8 leagues this year and upon further review I got at least 3 players I like. Devin Harris, Bargnani and Roy Hibbert. All healthy young studs who don't mind tipping one back.
Next up I'm gonna take a look at the Keeper league team I own that's going into it's 5th year of mediocrity. Did I get three sheets to wind for this one? or did I play it cool and take Stephan Jackson like I told myself I would? Grab a stout and find out.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Here We Go 10/11

As opening night approaches, the Bear is shitting its proverbial pants with anticipation. I know you feel it too, the pressure, the anxiety, the yearning. Our job is to ease the transition into the madness of the season, and the first and most obvious way to do so is to see what Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are doing to support Condo in his current custody battle. Hmmm, very disturbing, yet hardly surprising.

Next plan of action is to peep a few 'could-be' gems who are currently flying under the radar.

Arron Afflalo?
aka JR Smith's usurper
43% from deep. No lies. That's 8th in the league from beyond in preseason. Total averages preseason looking like 20.7 points, 2.3 treys, 4.3 rebounds, and 2.7 assists. That could skyrocket him into top 10 value people, and certainly bury any hope JR Smith has of maintaining a starter spot this year.

James Harden
my boy
Succulent, youthful, prime rib roto veil is just spilling out of OKC's game plan this year. Harden is certainly a dynamo from deep, and Durant has plans this year of taking the Thunder to the elite plateau, lets all just assume Harden is gonna play an integral part in this. All these OKC boys look solid in preseason, even Ibaka, its an exciting time to be a manager.

Sheldon Williams
think deep, think Sheldon
Injuries to Chris Anderson and Kenyon Martin broadened Sheldon's play time to approx 28min a game in preseason, and the big guy didn't disappoint. After being a virtually useless asshole last year, he's achieved pseudo preseason glory with averages of 12.6 points on 57-percent shooting, 7.9 boards, 0.9 steals, and 0.7 blocks, hardly scoff able numbers from the power forward.

Carlos Delfino
still cannot speak english
I know what your thinking, but seriously, he was a monster in the final 3 months of last years season, he stroked 134 treys in 66 games on the year (yeah I know, it was on 365 attempts, thats 1 attempt for every calender day of the year), and he did this all while Jennings, John Salmons and greasy Andrew Bogut were healthy. Michael Redd is pretty much fucking dead, if not literally then in the hearts of 99% of fantasy GM's, and Maggette is injured currently, leaving the starting SF spot open for our boy Delf for the time being.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

First draft of the season

Chyeeeaa! This league is a 12 man, H2H. Run by the cats over at Give me the rock. I was picking 9th and took Wade over other staples like Kobe and Daniel Granger. I feel good about it, but not too good. I had mentally decided to take Rondo or Nash on the way back, but Rondo was gone by my pick 16. Nash was there, but my man-crush for fantasy defense sneaked up on me and I pretty much accepted that %s would not be a major factor in the rest of the draft. Nani is a personal target of mine this year and I was also happy to get Rudy Gay on the way back. His low efficiency and lack of rebounds fit on this team nicely. After round 4, I decided to tackle all the "fun" categories: points, assists, steals, blocks, 3's while mostly ditchin' rebounds, %'s and To's. I went guard-heavy with Arenas and Harris in the next 2 rounds, players who have both been top 25 picks at one point in theys careers. I found Terry at 81 was too good to turn down, even though I was already loaded with guards. I needed a center on the way back and vested in Okafor, hoping that Nani, JSmoove and Mek would be enough to keep me honest in blocks week ta week. Right after Emeka, center eligibles Hickson, McGee, Haywood, Brand and Cousins all went off the board within ten picks, so it felt good to get a little stability in the post. I can't imagine why I took another point guard in Jameer Nelson, but Maggette was another high scoring, low effieciency player to go along with the theme. Darko was a pick I regret, but needed a reserve C and Calderon could prove to be a valuable at 136. Yahoo seemed to think Jamario Moon was top 50 material when he averaged almost 3 combined steals/blocks/3s and no To's 3 years ago. I am thinking of dropping him and picking up some clean towels. This team looks solid and should have no problem scoring. If potential injuries Wade, Arenas and Harris all play near the ceiling of their games, I should have no problem ruling with a bloody, iron fist, showering my opponents with jeers and stink eyes. If Wade goes down, the team collapses, I shave my head and punch-kick the next person that asks for my autograph.

Next Week: We abandon the mock draft and start mocking the daft!

Friday, October 15, 2010

Round 3, Pick 31

31. Darren " Michael" Collison
(Joins Mamba and Al-Jeff)
The bear is definitely drankin the kool aid on this one. Koh-ben-jeff wanna pg, and instead of harp on a bunch of bullshit (maybe don't click on that last link) as to why you most definitely want Mr. Collins on your squad, allow me to simply direct you to some split stats. Of note, his "as starter" numbers. Since TJ Ford is presumed to be trapped in a Chilean mine for the rest of his life, it's safe to say that Dar-co.... wait that sounds awful, let's go with DMC, yeah, is going to lock down 36-42 min a game and thus ball outta control.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Round 3, Pick 30

30. Timothy "Tim" Duncan
(Joins Curry and Wallace)

Chyyyyeeea! I guess anyone could have seen this coming. He's 34. The blocks dipped to under 2 for the first time in his 12 year career and he barely played 30 or more minutes per from the end of January on. I still drafted him @ 21 in my 20 man roto league last year (bounced with Steve Nash, talk about old legs) and of course, Tim started strong and played hard. But come January, the Spurs start saving up for the playoffs and ChyBAM! Dejuan Blair starts collecting double-doubles like they're knee surgeries. Nonetheless, A team lead by Steph Curry and Dejuan Blair...err...Gerald Wallace needs a Center elig type that can rack up rebounds like they're knee surgeries. So a little bit of tempered expectations sprinkled with a 3rd round fall for Tim "Uncle Time" Duncan should more than sastify yer gutworm.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Round 3, Pick 29

29. Al Horford
(Joins The Dallas Connection )

In desperate need of some youth to balance out the oldsters, filling the C spot with Big Gay Al and his defensive stats (combined 2) and projected 14/10 up front (ala Josh Smith if he was slower, more gangly and balder) is exactly what Mark Cuban would have done too. We're feeling pretty good taking Horford here because his girlfriend is hot, his mom looks exactly like him (I tried to locate a photographic comparison but didn't have the funds or doctrines to achieve such a new level of creepiness) and by next pick we'll mostly be looking at PF/C's like Bogut(scoff), Lamarcus, and maybe Antawn Jamison? Eww, I just vomited a little.

Carlos Boozer Injury: Fantasy Impact

Not alot of impact actually. On the bulls anyway. It would have been nice to see Derrick Rose get it on with Boozer in the paint from the get go, but now it seems like things will keep rolling the way they always have since Rosies arrival. Taj "Mahal" Gibson moves into the starting five and should make for a good 20 games at the start of the season. Think 10/8 with a block or so. Also think about how thankful you are for the Bear.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Round 3, Pick 28

28. Monta Ellis
(Joins Danny Granger and Carmelo Anthony)

With most of the juicy point guard ass already off the board, It's time to invest in Monta "Juicy Point Guard Ass" Ellis. Sure he's got Stephan "Juice Point Ass" Curry to contend with, but hell, Monta was 1337 in steals last year while providing a....Kobe esque?...25/5/5ish kind of game. He add a three (77 in 64 games) but was very un-kobe with his near 4 To's a game and meager 75% from the line. Health and Curry, of course, are concerns, but Monta will still get his and play 75+ games. And with this guy banging inside, maybe he'll get his FG% up. No promises, but l)l_ll)3 7#3y35 i5 6()/|//|/@ 8l()|/|/ l_ll* 7l-li5 j3@l2! Seriously!

(Look at how relaxed he is ladies...)

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Round 3, Pick 27

27. Tyreke Evans
(Joins CP3 and D12)

This team is going to be straight, with the addition of "Too Easy" to CP3 and D12 (hands down the best at their position, in reality ball) this threesome is the non-animated equivalent of Mutant Atomic Supermen. With a dominant bigman/ littleman combination already on board, and steals-dimes-boards-blocks aplenty, Tyreke's 20-5-5 game is tailor made for this team. Who else put up at least 20-5-5 their rookie year?? Why only Michael, Oscar and Bron... no biggie. This team COULD use some tres, and the kid might not rain 3s like vintage swingmen JoJohn or Manu, but who gives a flying fuck, time to celebrate.

RD 3, Pick 26

26. Andrea Bargnani!
(Joins Lebron James and Rajon Rondo)

Well, I had a hella sweet Carlos Boozer pick lined up here. All about how this was the year he was gonna stay healthy, picking and rolling is way to top 20 value beside Derrick Rose. Well thank fuck I didn't post it or let anyone now about my CarlMan-Boozelove, because the Cleveland backstabber is out about 8 weeks with a home-insurance style broken right hand. Good. Fuck em. More PT for Taj "Mothafuckin" Gibson. What a team that has Lebron and Rajon on it needs is...Anything! You can pretty much pick whoever you want here because this team has the league on lock, two players in. Tight. So without further adieu......Andrea 'the Italian Stallion' Bargnani!
Tight. With Chrish Bosh outta the picture, Andrea figures to see a lot more shots, pushing his scoring average to at least the 20 point mark. His FG% might make you cry this year, but it's a worthy trade off for 2+ Three's and a block and a half. A great rebounder he is not but his career 81% from the stripe should help keep things honest with a little help from later rounds. Don't be shy Nani.

Next up: We take a look at CarMan Boozloves injury and it's potential impact on Derrick Roses SAT scores.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Round 3, Pick 25

25. Iggy
(Joins Durant and Bosh)

Don't want to be called Iggy? Don't fucking want to be called Iggy anymore??? What kind of shit is that? Talk to Glen Davis about that one Andre, if anyone is upset about the lack of control over your given nickname it should be Big Baby.

Now, onto more important business, can Iggy make waves on a team whose central focus will constantly be on KD? Well, Team 'first to pick' sure thinks so. Durantula will gladly take on the role of 'scoring for two' while presumably Bosh will take care of the defensive spectrum, right? Fuck I dont know about that anymore, but regardless Iggy's above average production highlights are a sexy bonus indeed. Lets say Durant pulls Superfreak again this year and carries your team single handedly into placing, then Iggy's projected smorgasboard of 17-6-6 with 3 collective defensive points should definitely put you in contention for a championship. At the very least it will make it move. Oh, and almost a 3 per game from Igualdo Rivera, thats not too bad either.
Fuck it, this team is lookin pretty sexy at this point, next up, we trade all 3 top picks for some ASSISTS.

A run down of the first 2 rounds

It's been interesting so far to say, the the least. The first 2 rounds have shaken out with some teams gunning at youth, picking with reckless passion and just plain trying to not feel the hangovers so hard, while others prefer a more steady approach, waiting until they can see the whites of their victims eyes before drafting. Here's a look:

1. Kevin Durant (Bosh)
2. Lebron James (Rondo)
3. Chris Paul (Howard)
4. Danny Granger (Anthony)
5. Dirk Nowitzki (Kidd)
6. Steph Curry (Wallace)
7. Kobe Bryant (Jefferson)
8. Dwyane Wade (Lopez)
9. Pau gasol (Billups)
10. Josh Smith (Roy)
11. David Lee (Nash)
12. Deron Williams (Stoudemire)
13. Am'are Stoudemire
14. Steve Nash
15. Brandon Roy
16. Chauncey Billups
17. Brook Lopez
18. Al Jefferson
19. Gerald Wallace
20. Jason Kidd
21. Carmelo Anthony
22. Dwight Howard
23. Rajon Rondo
24. Chris Bosh

Fuck the analysis. Obviously some of these teams have mental issues, even at this early stage. But me thinks with a bit more hustle and some total disregard for facts, this draft can finish itself off in the shower in early 2011. Shall we continue?

Monday, October 4, 2010

Round 2, Pick 24

24. CB4

When the bear was informed in early in January that Bron and CB4 would be taking their talents to Southbeach, the bear was shocked, but agreed to keep the secret. Really though, Boshwitz leaving T.O. was only a secret to one man, for the sake of privacy we'll call this individual B. Colangelo... wait that's too obvious, let's call him Bryan C. Chris you clever girl! You fooled the president and G.M. into thinking you might stay, he didn't trade you, and now Raps fans
are left with nothing but memories of sweet lefty J's, skinny-ass dunks, and 11 total playoff games in 7 years. Time to digress. Pairing CB1 with KD is pure fantasy gold. FT% is going to be sparkling, and the expectation of less #s more efficiency from Bosh suits KD's "world on my shoulders" game nicely. Bosh could very well shoot 60% from the field this year, and may be motivated to play some defense (in one year at G Tec he blocked 67 shots in 31 games), with Bron and Condo flying around backboarding mafuckas like it's going out of style. One of the great questions this year is why does everybody hate Chris, I mean, what to expect from Chris? Don't let the tiny dreadless head fool you, he's still a beast.