Thursday, January 27, 2011

All-Star Starters Announced, Suck it China, Mayo on Juice?

The All-Star selection process is not an easy thing. Deciding who should be named is much like that common situation I encounter every Saturday night:
it's 1:45, I'm too drunk to fuck but I don't know it yet, there are roughly 3.5 harlots to choose from and 15 minutes in which to do so:
Harlot A) has huge tits but also has huge hands and a cat, and girls with cats are liable to cut off your penis while you sleep.
Harlot B) cute and has indicated she's DTF, but was likely born in 1996.
Harlot C) super hot but passed out, so you'd have to punch-out 3 or 4 of her girlfriends to get her to the trunk.
Harlot C.5) is a 3 foot redhead transgendered midget, without a gag reflex.

Nearly impossible to choose just one but a decision must be made, I digress..

Yao has yet again been voted in as the starting C for the West.. On the season, Yao has scored 51 points and collected 27 boards. To put that into perspective, Earl Boykins has outscored Yao in the last week, and Semih Erden is one rebound away from matching Yao's total as he has 26 in his last 3 games. I blame this on YOU! China!! Patriotism is cool, but seriously go fuck yourselves. If K-Luv doesn't get in because of this I'm never eating moo shu again! To the millions of Iranian Bear followers; next year we must join forces and mass vote in Hamed Haddadi over Yao, thus crippling China's stranglehold on the globe.

In other news, Orenthal James Mayo has been suspended for ten games for testing poz for dehydroepiandrosterone. So that makes 2 players in NBA history who have taken anything that ends in "osterone", the originator is clearly this man. Go get Tony Allen before he averages 4 steals over the next 3 weeks.

Remember folks, the Bear loves you.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Fantasy Hype Machine: SF Changes in the Fantasy Basketball Landscape

Read the first two parts of this series about Point Guards and Shooting Guards here and here.

elcome home to the 3rd installment of Fantasy Hype Machine, where we explore the statistical changes in the various positions of the NBA and compare those changes to that player's sexual prowess. Is Micheal Beasley a small forward or more of a fluffer? Does Wilson Chandler need to take 5 threes a game to satisfy Mike D'Antoni's wife? Can Ron Artest finish the sexual obstacle course we set up in our office? Let's have a look:

Rudyard Gay: Finally Busting Out of his Fantasy Brazier
Rudy has always had talent. He's always had the athleticism. What he might have lacked (or had been accused of lacking) was drive. He fades in tight games they said. His shit is weak sauce they said. Well no longer (fer fantasy sake). Now Rudy is just the right size for the super bowl and he's getting invited on to the bus in a big way. Career highs in all the counting stats and some disdain for me calling him out in this article are all the motivations Rudy needs to keep the fantasy flowing in GMs favor. 1.1 blocks, 1.3 threes and 1.8 steals are just a few of the statistical highlights Gay is carrying around in his European carry-all this season. FT%, FG% and scoring also accentuate this year's resume like a stint of volunteering at an old folks home. Despite this, Memphis is still wallowing at 19-23 in the tough Western Conference, where they haven't made the playoffs since I bet Crash the Pau led Grizzlies would beat Dirk's champions in the first round of the 2005 post season. Pau and I lost.

Wilson Chandler: D'Antoni reach around
Wilson has been fucking killing it this year. It looked like he might be on the short end of the playing time stick heading into the season, but then he heard I drafted him in the keeper league and BAM! Fantasy fuck fest. A hearty sprinkling of Mike D'Antoni's mustache wax has allowed WC to produce in a big way. 1.7 3's and 1.4 blocks mixed with 1.3 to's have skyrocketed Chandlers value to a top 20ish impact. And he's only the 3rd best fantasy basketball player on the Knicks.

Boris Diaw
: Hot Turn Overs
With Tyrus Thomas announcing that he's shutten 'er down for a while, the Bobcats defacto PF is now drunk Uncle Boris. He's too slow for SF and too small for PF making him just right to play in the bastardized line-up that trots the floor in Charlotte most nights. He's settled his line the last couple years into a sort of useless 12/5/4 but with enough turnovers to hurt you and not enough FG% volume to really help you. What the fuck happend to that beautiful, roto glory he once achieved in Phoenix not so long ago (6 years? really? jesus fuck). 13/6/7 with a block and 52% from the floor is the stuff of fantasy legends. But then he busts out this sort of game and yer left scratching your Diaws, wondering why he can't do it every night. Now Boris annually sits around pick 100, waiting to be taken by that reluctant manager, who's drawn to his trend of 30+ minutes the last 3 years. Oh and I lied about Tyrus Thomas, he wasn't effecting the situation at all.

Hedo TurkyGlue
: Orlando Resurgence
This Turkish pirate really fucked over my Raptors last season. Going from clutch-time game-saver to no-clutch super douche will really sour an already biased opinion. Seeing him fail miserably for the Suns took some of the edge off, but fantasy monster ballin' once again in Orlando really makes my blood boil (I can taste copper). As soon as Turk hopped back on Superman's cape, he was averaging 6 assists, 1.3 steals and 1.5 3's on 40% from deep faster than you can say "everybody gets one".

Mike Dunleavy: Back at 'er
After painful haircuts marred his career, Mike Dunleavy exploded in 07/08 for a Hedo-esque career year (19/5/3.5 with 2 threes per) and was looking like a keeper for George Orwell until another horrible haircut/injury robbed him of all but 18 games the next season. Two year later and he's found a way to fend off Brandon Rush for enough playing time (on average 30 min) to give your team a quiet boost in 3's and buzzer beating tip-ins.

Nick Young: A Shooting Guard
I know Young Neezy is really more of a shooting guard but I forgot about him in the last piece and felt the neezy to write something nice about him. He's got a great to shoot the ball? Yes, Neez is not afraid to shoot now that Daddy Gilbert is out of town, hucking 15+ shots a game since early December, one third of those being 3's. As a starter, Young is averaging 20 points, 2.2 threes and less than 2 TO's. It could also be said that he doesn't pass, rebound or play much fantasy defense or that shooting 44% on 5 threes a game is unsustainable, but he's got a heck of a smile.

Demar Derozen: Also a shooting guard
Too gangly for a 3. Not much of a jumper for a 2. But that's what they said about Jason Richardson (ed: No, they didn't). Demar has become the Raptors secondary scorer behind Andrea Bargnani and has demonstrated the ability to get to the rim and not take 3's (that's an ability). January has offered Demar a career high 36+ minutes and he's scoring nearly 20 points a night. Like Nick Young though, Derozan offers little outside of non-painful FG% and Points and the PT has come with a crushing 2.8 TO's.

"Sweet" Lou Deng: 3's
I got unusually aroused when I read this article pre-season. It made me think that Lou Deng might start taking more 3's. My brain and the article were right. Lou is making about 1.5 a game and roughly following his career with 17/6/2. Not amazing, but still pretty good for an englishman.

Trevor Ariza: Over hyped Douche
The worst part about fantasy basketball blogging is having to look at horrible stats. The best part is signing autographs on breasts. Ariza owns shooting percentages that look like the chances of getting some action at the bar, the moon and the street corner. 38% off the floor, 28% beyond the arc and 67% from the stripe are some truly atrocious numbers from a player that has been in the NBA for 9 years and is 6 months younger than me. He really turned that 08' playoff performance into money, making Rick Adelman and Leslie Alexander looks like total cunts for signing him in the off season.

Shane "Courtney" Battier: Roto-Sexual
Steals+Blocks+3's-Turnovers= Yahoo Super Boner! If your fantasy team was made up of Shane Battiers you would lose. No one would score, they would all play staunch defense and get all the loose balls, high fives and everything else that doesn't show up in a boxscore. It's been the same damn thing for sugar Shane since his second year in the league, get 30+ minutes, hustle on D and spot up deep on offense. He's been hovering in and around the 1/1/1 club his whole career and he's got the IQ of a kick boxing scientist. I'm not saying he's not good, just that quiet efficiency doesn't not win championships.

Jamario Moon: Blown Chances
Speaking of production that get's over rated by player raters, Moon has one of those season for the Raptors back in rookie year where he went for 1.4 blocks and a steal with a lowly 51 turnovers in 75 games. He's yet to make anything of himself though he did hit all of his 7 free throws this year. He's so brave.

Fransisco Garcia: Back of the Bus
Just got injured, fuck writing about this guy.

Micheal Beasley: More of a Fluffer
Cool Daddy Beas has gotten a show of faith from Kurt Rambis this year and has managed to score the ball a fair amount after Kevin Love is done with it. It seems that this article has featured a lot of players that can score and don't do whole lot else. Micheal is no exception as he's failed to do anything besides score and not hurt your FG%. After starting the season hot, Super Cool Beas....cooled...fuck....chilled out lately with injuries and general douche bagery that's dropped his scoring average to 14 points per game in January. Will he ever be able to kick his secret drug habit? The Bear got an exclusive interview:

The Bear: So Mike, how's the weed smoking?

Micheal Beasley: Let's get Omega Baked! Tyyaaoo!

Mike's Mom: What's going on in there? You two have been in the bathroom for 20 minutes!

The Bear: Thanks for the interview, I'm leaving through the window.

Tayshaun Prince: The same shit for 8 years
How much less exciting can a player get? 14/3/5 for 7 straight years? Boring! How about some blocks? Some 3s? Some steals? I guess quiet consistency has a place in every managers line-up. Except mine.

Nicolas Batum: A little too much hype, but still pretty good
Nicolas Batum was a lot of Fantasy GM's favorite sleeper coming into the season and he hasn't disappointed too much compared to average draft position. He's currently 91 over at GMTR and 60th overall if you ask Yahoo. He was starting in October, lost is job, won it back with Brandon Roy out and has posted a decent first month of 2011. 15 points, 5 rebounds and 1.8 threes with 0.6 turnovers are positive signs for the young Frenchman and he could easily play his way into a top 50 (for roto purposes) spot by the end of the year.

Grant Hill
: The Detroit years
I just had a quick look at Grant Hill's stats for his first six years in the league. 21.5 points, 7.7 rebounds, 6.2 assists and 1.6 steals are some astounding numbers from a player I never got to see in his prime. Had the injuries not taken hold, He would have been one of the all time greats. Not dead quite yet though, as Grant is taking on a larger scoring role in the desert this season averaging a five year high of 15 points a game on 51% from the floor 83% from the line. I need the Suns training staff to have a look at my delirium tremens and see if they can't prolong my career a few more years...

The Bear would also like to announce our new corporate sponsors: Nissan! To celebrate this momentous occasion, we've teamed up to produce the first Fantasy Basketbear-mobile. A car that runs on pure counting stats, percentages and H2H victories.

Use the NBA Spider Graph generator here

Thanks for tuning in. Next up we take a long hard look in the mirror and ask: What are we doing with our lives?

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Between Your Lip and Your Nose: Must-Stash Rookies

Midway through this year it has become evident that we are bearing witness to the inaugural seasons of a couple potential, if health permits (John Wall), hall of famers.
Blake Griffin... there is nothing to say.
What's less evident is that at this point in the season many rookies are on the cusp of becoming fantasy relevant. While the likes of Cousins (INEFFICIENT), Favors and Evan Turner were likely drafted with high expectations, the reality has been disturbing. Fear not though, this years rookie class has some diamonds in the rough who may yet prove to be fantasy lifesavers.

Make sure you check that lifesavers link.

Greg Monroe: Detroit's finally doing the right thing and starting G-Mo over grizzled fantasy legend Ben Wallace. In 8 games this month he's put up 4 dub-doubles, failed to score in double digits only once, and swiped the ball 19 times. The Pistons will surely blow up their roster soon and give their youngsters (Austin Daye is a sophomore mustache) some run.

Evan Turner: Andre Iguodala is good at many things, one being ruining his teammate's production. Once Iggy's shipped to the Galapagos it will free up minutes for E.T. (and shots for Jrue). Turner's shot has been off since the preseason but "teach me how to" Doug Collins will likely feed Van-Turn minutes a plenty in the absence of the Dala.

Derrick Favors: In a shocking piece of urgent news: Carmelo is rumored to be on the trading block!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If in Denver, Favors would claim the minutes occupied by cripples K-Mart (B.A.Y.B.), Birdman and Sheldon Williams' giant forehead. He's halfway decent if he gets 25min or so.

Wes Johnson: Has at times looked like the second coming of the matrix, but mostly has looked like a rookie on a brutal team. Wes keeps it real. That's why he dropped the "ley". Although his p.t. is down this month due to Kurt Rambi's bouts of delirium (dnp last night), the wolves have nothing to gain this year but epic Love stat-lines and playing experience for their youth.

Al-Farouq Aminu: Due to the advanced "blackness" of his name, Alf has been buried behind Ryan Gomes upon the order of team owner/supreme racist and heckler extraordinaire Donald Sterling. The movie Crash taught us that all it takes to beat bigotry in L.A. is murderous police officers, Mexican locksmiths and fiery car crashes to ease tensions. Watch list him just in case.

Ed Davis: Love this kid, dunking and swatting shots like Antonio Davis back in the day. As we all know Bargs is allergic to rebounds, so the Raps front court can use the much needed support. E.D. has dub-doubled in every game he's played 30min. Reggie Evan's return is looming but since Reggie is pretty much a horrible basketball player, Dysfunction should continue to play.

Gary Neal: Undrafted thrice-point specialist, a modern Bruce Bowen who doesn't punch people in the groin. Dropped 5 thrices in a game this year thrice fold despite averaging only 18min. Will there be more p.t. to come as R.J. crawls back into his shell?

Luke Harangody: Just kidding.

Paul George: Despite of, and also due to the omnipresent madness of Jimb-O-Brians' roster changes, Pauly G is worth a gander in deep leagues. He's a freak, and his 36pers are nice.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Blake Griffin is Stupid Awesome

47-14 against a porous Indiana defense. Blake is absolutely beastly and I want to offer my sincere apologies for saying John Wall was gonna be the rookie of the year.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Free Marcus Thornton!

In a devastating report released by the NOCVB, It appears that one Marcus Terrel Thornton is being held hostage by New Orleans Hornets head coach Monty Williams. No matter what the circumstance, Williams has held Thornton hostage on the bench despite his designated teammate nickname of 'Buckets'. After being Drafted 43rd overall by the Miami Heat in 2009, Marcus was promptly traded to the Hornets and he worked his way into the starting five in the late '09 season with gritty determination (injuries) and the ability to score in brunches. (where you pick up a girl at a buffet style breakfast/lunch) Despite Marco Bellinelli shooting just 37% from the field in December and promptly getting injured, Williams has turned to cagey vet "Loose" Willie Green as the teams primary off guard, mesmerizing bloggers and fantasy gm's alike with his rotational treachery. Thornton has been held to just 15 minutes per game of playing time this season due what Monty Williams calls "defense". When awarded with 30 minutes on January 12th due to said Bellinelli injury, Buckets responded by leading his team to a 92-89 victory over Stan Van Gumptions Orlando Magic, scoring 22, a season high.
(Blake is eye-fucking the omelet bar )
Here is a graph i ripped off AttheHive, a great Hornets blog:

Go here to read a real analysis of why Marcus Thornton has been stuck on the bench all year.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Excuse me Mr. Williams, is it Sean? ... Or Shawne?

Because I wouldn't want to confuse this new waiver wire devilry with former Jersey Shore Net Sean Williams. But if the old shitty Sean Williams has secretly reinvented himself as the new improved Shawne Williams then I'm impressed. It seems just about everybody on the Knicks roster/payroll is benefitting from Gallinari's injury, even fucking Bill Walker scored 23 pts last night. Shawne Will however has started seeing the playtime get increased since early December and has stated his case with 7 double digit scoring games since, last night emerging with 7 of 8 from deep totalling a career high of 25 bangers. Although D'antoni does have an insatiable 3-ball fetish, Shawne Williams 2.0 will probably see alot of bench warming duties once Gallinari returns (possibly by Friday), so grab him and start him while you can, take an aspirin and hope for the best. Mike D'antoni, our Fantasy man on the inside.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Cavs trot out a group of miserable losers; Lakers respond with Savage Beating

With Anderson Varajao done for the season, things have begun to look pretty miserable for the Cavs. Not that things didn't already look miserable. Actually, the whole situation looked god awful for Cleveland ever since what the Spaniards have been calling 'La DecisiĆ³n'. With Antawn Jamison looking older than Greg Oden and Mo Williams limping his way through the season, there's no go to scorer for the Lebronless. JJ Hickson played himself on to the bench early in the season and Jamario Moon, gifted with a starting spot, quickly found himself on the wrong end of the rotation. The Clavs are 1-21 since November 30th, a near polar opposite of the 21-1 the Miami Heat have posted since November 29th. No one thought they would be much this year, but this? A punishing 57-112 loss to the Lakers. Ouch. Sure it's the Lakers but 55 points? Jesus. Lebron had this to say. What a douche. On the fantasy bright side however, Manny Harris has been a serviceable guard in 6 starts posting 12/5/2 with a combined 2.4 steals and threes. Mo Williams isn't as terrible as I'm making him out to be with his 14 points and 7 assists per game and JJ Hickson is now on the receiving end of some PT with Andy V injured for the year. With Kyrie Irving or possibly Harrison Barnes in their sights, the Cavs are waiting for next year.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Surprises in the Top 50

It's a new year, and it looks like this whole Internet thing is here to stay. I suppose that means the Bear is here to stay as well. Now while the Y2K scare is long over, clearly some people are still a bit agitated at the thought of the world coming to an end based on a computer glitch, so we thought we'd take a look at a few shockers who have snuck into the top 50 thus far.
Facing a Yahoo! ranking of 117 coming into the season, I'm not sure anybody (aside from D'antoni) could have predicted Wilson Chandler making a case for himself as fantasy breakthrough of the year. Currently ranked 12th (coming in just behind teammate and fellow fantasy monarch STAT), Chandler strokes a hell of a ball. Literally scoring in double figures every fucking game except one back in November (and doing so on 48% from the field), he's worked his way into the starting lineup. His current ranking could partly be due to Gallinari's health affliction, or it could be due to the 55 blocks he's accumulated this year (1.5 per game). Either way, it's safe to say Chandler is a baller and should continue his high impact fantasy reign of terror onwards to the accelerated paycheck that surely awaits him next year.

Dorell Wright??? Well thats fucking random. I haven't been shitting right lately, so that can only mean one thing, Steph Curr is on the fritz again. Not health wise, just fantasy wise, you can read about it here. Much like the Chandler from the paragraphs of old, Dorell is NOT shy when it comes to scoring double figures. In fact, all of his miscellaneous statistical averages have doubled since last year. Holy fucking shit son. Yahoo! brought him in at 140, and now he's sitting at 26 (that's higher ranked than Curry, CB4, Granger, Nash and even Kobe). During the drafts, I probably took Charlie V or James Harden at that spot rather than Dorell, and I haven't regretted anything as much since Fanarchy and I had that heated game of Risk and weren't on speaking terms for a week.

Ranked 45 at the moment, you have Shane Battier. We all know Shay-Shay is a roto-friendly start, but out-ranking Fantasy Beasts like Chauncey 'Dr Cock & Balls' Billups, Brook Lopez, Bargnani and Zach Randolph (the poor mans Stoudemire), is a little surprising coming from the seasoned yet solid old man. Shanes field goal has risen 5% this year on the same amount of attempts, but all his other stats remain parallel to last seasons, and the seasons before... and so on. Rare double digit scoring, rare double digit boarding, but 1 stl, 1.3 blk, 1.5 trey per game doesn't grow on trees. Plus the greasy old man starts every game for 30 min. Next year, I'm gonna put on a suit and consider drafting Shane a little earlier than the average pick of 140 he got this time around.

Last surprise of the day breaking the top 50 ice, is Landry Fields. Ranked 50, and clocking in just shy of a 10-10 average, another starter in the D'antoni fantasy realm, Landry Fields has better hair than Gallinari and also attempts 2.6 treys a game. Often connecting, in fact averaging 1 per. That goes for steals as well. He shoots 52% on almost 8 attempts and averages 10 points. I know, I know, that's pretty dry. Dry like that girl from down the backlane you occasionally roll in the hay with's personality. But Landry is a rookie, and is outranking some heavy motherfuckers like Granger, plus we all know D'antoni is everyones secret fantasy weapon so get on that shit!

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Fantasy Hype Machine: SG changes in the Fantasy Landscape

This is the 2nd installment in the 6 part series that is Fantasy Hype Machine where we focus on some positive statistical changes that players in the five different positions have made in their fantasy game this year (In the 6th part we reflect on all the friends we made at camp and all the fun times we had). You can view the 1st part about point guards here. Next up: The Two spot: White spot: the Restaurant: Shooting Guards. Lots of 'em have stepped up their game this year. Let's start with the obvious:

The obvious:

Manu Ginobili: Playing Time
If you drafted Manu this year chances are you picked him up around pick 40-50ish. The value you got in return made the four wishes you got from that monkey's paw look like a rip-off. Manu has been starting and monster ballin' out of control. He posted similar numbers back in the 07/08 season when he also ran 30+ minutes a game. His 3's, steals, assists, scoring and free throws have all been near career highs this season and it makes you wonder why the Spurs have been sitting Manu for half his career (mostly because the paw brings grave misfortune).

Kevin Martin: A Return to Form
Poor Kevin. So much promise, but he's got ankles made out of sugar. He doesn't go outside, because his ankles melt in the rain. He does go outside the arc though, as the other K-mart has really hit his stride this year with the Sprockets. He's been scoring like a sombitch and and getting to the line like a....someb...sonofa...fuck. Putting up 8.5 attempts from the line on 91% are Dwight altering numbers and this kind of play is what we got comfortable with before the injuries took hold back in the Sacramento days. Three injury plagued campaigns later and Kevin is looking like prime Michael Redd. 1337 all ways offensive.

Gilbert Arenas: Small Ball Purgatory
Gilb has had an interesting career as far as fantasy is concerned. After two seasons in Golden State at the start of his career, he was promptly traded to the Wizards and instantly became the feature of the offense, forming a "big 3" with Antawn Jamison and Larry Hughes. After the first harvest in Washington he enjoyed 3 years of injury free, first round production and things looked great for Arenas until this devastating injury at the end of the 06/07 season made Washington look like the drunk girl that needed a ride home from the playoffs. Gilbert has always been good for fantasy but he's consistently murdered yer FG% and TO's, making him an eggscellent (is breakfast ready?) candidate for small ball H2H teams that are punting said categories. Now shipped off to a contending Magic team with the biggest, baddest 5 in the game, you would assume Arenas could effectively come off the bench and help out by taking smart shots and holding on to the ball like it was a locker full of guns. No, he's still losing the ball 3 times a game and shooting the worst %'s of his career. The 3's and steals are still there, but seriously, fuck this guy.

The not-so-obvious:

Eric Gordon: Filling the Beard's shoes
I drafted Eric Gordon in his first year after reading that Greg Oden said he was a rookie of the year candidate. Bowling ball is what Greg called him. It was in the keeper league. I clearly remember the shock and disgust in the draft room, as well as, from my friend Jon Voss, who was sitting beside me. He could only shake his head in disgust as we took a bag lung to clear our heads. I'm pretty sure I dropped him after one month of no playing time and could only take another bag lung as he heated up October/November and Shuttlesworth had a higher waiver priority than me. After a so-so sophomore campaign, Gordon was basically given the Clipper reigns as Baron Davis showed up to camp this year drunker than Crash on draft day. Eric's responded with a very useful 23/4.5/3 with almost 3 combined 3s/stls. His ability to get to the line, although slowed as of late, has been quite significant. The Bear loves Eric and is sad when Donald Sterling pushes him off the slide at recess.

Dorell Wright: Golden Opportunities and Shit Tons of Playing Time
Sleeper of the year? Pick up of the year? Sweet Foxy Dorell? Whatever nickname you gave him when you drafted him back in 2007 when he was a major "breakout" candidate with the "Heatles" is now fully legit. Dorell has warmed up to Don Nelson like a quart of scotch. He has also warmed up to an eye-popping 39! minutes of playing time a game. You'd have to be Bruce Bowen to not produce with heavy minutes in the run and gun offense that Golden State employes like the Spanish janitor you banged before leaving work on friday. Dorell is taking 6.2 threes a game and making roughly 40% of them. Add in some healthy steals (1.4), scoring (16.2) and dimes (3!) and you've got some great value on a player you probably thought was a total cunt.

Marco Bellineli: Forced PT
I wanted to write something nice about Marco, but he's been pretty damn shitty so far. Playing with Chris Paul and producing almost nothing besides 11 points and 1.7 3's is ballzac. He shot 31% from beyond in November and Monty Williams claims it's Marco's defense that's kept Marcus Thornton on the bench. Just wait till I get to Trevor Ariza in the upcoming small forwards post.

Wesley Matthews: Tanya Harding To Brandon Roy's Nancy Kerrigan
What's that Mom? You hear Brandon Roy is done for the season? No fucking way! Can Josh rescind that trade he made in keeper? No? Mom? Wes Matthews has been a nice addition to the scoring, shooting and stealing that yer team needed so desperately when you bounced Paul-Bellineli in the first two rounds this year. Wes was a nice player with Utah last year and he's found a warm wind underneath Nate McMillans wings. Filling in for Brandon Roy is a tough job and Matthews has done so admirably with 19 points, 1.6 steals and 2.1 threes in 22 starts. Somewhere Martell Webster is drunk and singing at the moon.

George Hill: Bench Punch
With the Argentinian terror claiming a spot in the Spurs starting line up, fantasy prospects looked a little dim for George Hill. Turns out there is 27 minutes a game available for him though and 11.5 points, 1.1 steals, 1.5 december 3's and 48%FG is his way of saying "thanks".

James Harden
: December/January Heart Throb
Jimmy Hardon has been a boon for your team ever since he got a few November starts for various injured Thundi. He's not getting more playing time or anything (27 min), he's just been active on defense (1.3 steals) shooting the ball well from deep (41% on 4 attempts per) and not turning the ball over (1.1). All this kid needs is playing time and for Josh to keep him going into next year.

Landry Fields: Rebounds, also, Being a Rookie
Anyone draft this guy? I thought so. Nothing fancy about Landry's game, just a nice player getting a stew on. He doesn't take a lot of dumb shots (51%FG), is a tough defensive match up at 6-7 (1.1 steals) and rebounds the fuck out of the ball in New York's fast paced offense. (8 rebounds...ish) We here at the Bear salute Mr. Fields and all his hard work in gluing together the bottle-in-a-ship that is your atrocious fantasy team.
Chloe Sevigny saluting the Bear

Next Up we take a look at the camp counselor who pulled yer pants down during the play he wrote and forced you and your fellow campers to perform. Are you too old to go back to camp and kick his ass? Stay tuned as we examine the fantasy implications