Thursday, January 27, 2011

All-Star Starters Announced, Suck it China, Mayo on Juice?

The All-Star selection process is not an easy thing. Deciding who should be named is much like that common situation I encounter every Saturday night:
it's 1:45, I'm too drunk to fuck but I don't know it yet, there are roughly 3.5 harlots to choose from and 15 minutes in which to do so:
Harlot A) has huge tits but also has huge hands and a cat, and girls with cats are liable to cut off your penis while you sleep.
Harlot B) cute and has indicated she's DTF, but was likely born in 1996.
Harlot C) super hot but passed out, so you'd have to punch-out 3 or 4 of her girlfriends to get her to the trunk.
Harlot C.5) is a 3 foot redhead transgendered midget, without a gag reflex.

Nearly impossible to choose just one but a decision must be made, I digress..

Yao has yet again been voted in as the starting C for the West.. On the season, Yao has scored 51 points and collected 27 boards. To put that into perspective, Earl Boykins has outscored Yao in the last week, and Semih Erden is one rebound away from matching Yao's total as he has 26 in his last 3 games. I blame this on YOU! China!! Patriotism is cool, but seriously go fuck yourselves. If K-Luv doesn't get in because of this I'm never eating moo shu again! To the millions of Iranian Bear followers; next year we must join forces and mass vote in Hamed Haddadi over Yao, thus crippling China's stranglehold on the globe.

In other news, Orenthal James Mayo has been suspended for ten games for testing poz for dehydroepiandrosterone. So that makes 2 players in NBA history who have taken anything that ends in "osterone", the originator is clearly this man. Go get Tony Allen before he averages 4 steals over the next 3 weeks.

Remember folks, the Bear loves you.

1 comment:

  1. Listen Shuttlesworth, im not sure if that's Matt Bonner or Scotty in that one pick(you know what im talking about), and 2nd, Rapelesburger already took care off Harlot B, and whoever he wants to put his 1-2-3 or 4 fingers in is his own business. Packers to win.