Saturday, December 18, 2010

Fantasy Hype Machine: PG Changes in this years Fantasy Landscape

This is a little feature I've been planning for a while. Spotlight some of the positive changes in stats at each position and how they are effecting (affecting?fuck) your team in fantasy this year:

Derrick Rose: 3's
Derrick (he's my good friend, we are on a first name basis) has been hoisting three's like all the "he's over rated in fantasy" talk came from his parents bedroom and he had his ear pressed up against the door. His insane 15% jump in 3pt efficiency though is a little suspect as apparently all it takes to be one of the best long range shooters in the league is an off-season of work. The triples haven't slowed though as he's knocking down 2.4 on 52% in December!

Russel "the love muscle" Westbrook
: Free throws
We all know Russ is a vicious dunker. Thus a lane-driver, thus he's gonna get fouled and get to the line like some city pays him to play for their sports team. Westy's been shooting a very efficient 87% on 8 attempts a game. Granted it was 9 in November and it's at more like 6 attempts per in December but the bear's not mad though. The Bear loves Fuselage Westrbrook and what he brings to our team.

Raymond Felton: Overall Beastliness
D'antoni is obviously fantasy crack, as Wilson Chandler, A'm'a'r'e and Ray Felts can all attest. His points per game leading Knicks are giving out fantasy old fashioneds like there not 15$ behind the dumpster out back. Felton increased just about everything you can increase in fantasy besides TO's, but if your winning yer league and doing good in To's you can go fuck yourself. The Knickerbockers are rolling too, winning 8 of they last ten and Raymond has been a big part of that. If you drafted him yer Fantasy team is prolly rolling too as he's been a top ten roto player all year and drafted somewhere around what? Pick 60? *should I draft Mo Williams here? maybe Baron Davis?* Woot! you fucked up.

Tony Parker: Steals
Unusual that Tony "Erin 'the Rock Thief' Barry" Parker is thieving rocks like his lack of ball thieving in his first 9 years is suddenly weighing on his conscience like a bad marriage. Desperate, housewives who drafted him all over the country are looking for trading partners as this 3 category guards value is at a nice high right now. I'm in one league with my Dad and he just acquired Tony Parker along with Lebron James for some spare parts.

Mike Bibby: 3pt%
Do you play in a league that counts 3pt%? No? Who gives a fuck about Mike Bibbsy then? I do! I god damn do! Henry Bibby's son has actually been a nice low turnover option for 3's and assists this year. His glory days are clearly behind him, but he's been a steady presence for the young Hawks these last few years.

DJ Augustin: A/T ratio
Another November terror who has seen his effectiveness dip a little as Santa kicks him in the junk. His TO's have gone up and assists are down in December leading to hysterical death threats from my friend Josh, who we inducted into the keeper league this year. I swore up and down he should take James Harden from the keeper pool we offered him and he chose Augustin instead. I told him it's a "warm season lawn grass that is popular for use in tropical and sub-tropical regions" and it wouldn't take in our climate.

Deron Williams: Slight upping of game and being a fantasy rock
The Pau Gasol of point guards. He's efficient, he's propped up his treys and scoring nicely and you never feel bad about taking him near the end of the first round.

Rajon Rondo: Shitting assists
We all knew Rajon had a few good players to pass too. No one thought he would slaughter assist records in his first dozen games though. Not since Ben Wallace averaged more intangibles than points has a players value been so lopsided.

John Wall: Tendinitis
JW looked great coming out of the gate and it's the pits seeing a young stud have to deal with a nagging injury like this. I still like him for Rookie of the year. Blake 'Lively' Griffin could give him a run for his money but it seems like a point guards league these days

Ja' MeerKat' Nelson: Taking advantage of playing with one of the best Centers in the game
Nelson is playing nice ball right now, making a 1.6 three's and dishing 7+ assists. I'm pretty sure Josh could produce those kind of numbers if Dwight Howard played on his Mens league team.

What in the fuck is this?


  1. Really funny stuff. Luv it. Thanks for the mention too/also. I need all the publicity I can get.

  2. Mrs Kardashian senior even has big tata's.