Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Fantasy Hype Machine: PF changes in the Fantasy Basketball Landscape

Listen to the first cuts of this album about Point Guards, Shooting Guards and Small Forwards.

To call the bear a fantasy basketball engineer is like calling myself an environmental technician even though I mow my lawn with gasoline. I care about the environment (my porch is a raccoon drop-in center with all you can eat garbage), and have somehow 'engineered' my way to a top spot in two of my four leagues. I credit this to getting off food and concentrating on the booze for a while. It gives me laser like focus and intensity. I wake up in interesting places and the Bear always calls me back. Enough about my life goals, let's have a look at some stunner Power Forwards who have slipped their finger into the butthole of roster-ability, big time:

Kevin Love: 3's, Rebounds
And How! Danny KLOVEr has been a man possessed this season (possessed to play amazing so he can leave Minnesota, see: Al Jefferson). He scores the ball in the post, has range for days, presenting match up problems for a good chunk of the leagues 4's, and hasn't missed a double-double since November 22nd. That's about 250 straight games by my count. He's also got seven 30/15 games to his name, some of those being 30/20's and a 30/30. Your probably thinking: "Holy shit! Kevin Love is playing well this year? That's amazing fucking news!" What you didn't know is that he's stepping in as the new King of all Kings in Egypt once Mubarak is assassinated and I'm currently in the process of buying his semen off e-bay so I can spike the local water supply and surround my self with hyper-rebounding ultra men that can dazzle my fans with trick shots when I grow weary of signing autographs.

Al Horford: Efficiency,
Another man child who has played himself into a possible first round selection next year with his uber-efficient all-round game (Hello Alf Horf, Goodbye Brook Lopez). Al's game has been pretty steady ever since his rookie year. His blocks won't anchor you but they help (1.1/game). His rebounds have been sticking around 10 per game since year one and he doesn't turn the ball over a whole lot. FG% and FT% are really what kicked the Horfs game into high gear this season as he's doing career highs in both. 56% on 12 shots is good stuff and while his 82% on 2.5 free throw attempts per game don't wow you, they don't hurt either, which about all you can ask from some center eligible types these days.

Lamarcus Aldridge
: Stud
Where in next years draft has Lamarcus Aldridge played himself into? Top 10? Just after Pau? Nah, too soon. Aldridge has been scoring the shit outta the ball as the primary focus of the Blazers offense with Brandon Roy out and has kept his defense stout with 2.3 combines steals and blocks. Post-3rd-year-hype-breakout-2nd-round-sleeper? Sounds about right.

Amir Johnson: Neighbor to a Friend
'Feisty' Johnson as his teammates all him, is having on of those "efficient" fantasy seasons you keep hearing about on other blogs. He doesn't turn it over much and shoots a ridiculously high percentage because he has taken three shots outside the paint all season. While his per-36s don't quite measure up to his explosive Detroit years, no one is mad because blocking 400+ shots a season just does not happen anymore. 10/7 with 1.5 blocks aren't the stuff dreams are made of, but for a guy that doesn't hurt you anywhere and was an afterthought in most drafts, he's paying off nicely.

Kris Humphries: Dipping is pen in the kompany ink
What the fuck? Where did Humph come from this year? He's averaging 11 off the glass as a starter and making Brook Lopez his bitch when it comes to boards. He's another inside presence, like Amir, so he shoots a great percentile, doesn't turn it over and doesn't hurt you at the line. I get the feeling that he's not a long term piece of the puzzle in NJ though. Not russian enough.

Blake Griffin: Awesomist
Who doesn't love Blake this year? You? Then fuck you! I don't like you! Blake is dominating and
the Clippers future is somehow looking bright. He's doesn't rack up a lot of defensive stats and his free throw shooting is starting to become a negative, but fuck that shit. I want Blakey on my team next year and not even Shuttlesworth can stop me.


  1. Good stuff - no great stuff. Too high quality to keep up though;-}
    I notice you didn't mention Hakim Warrick-Awesome.

  2. very strong installment