The nights are so cold without Gerald Wallace

Christmas food, family get togethers, way too much booze and the longest fantasy football week of all time for those of us keeping it real with the pigskin. Needless to say, we're all a little stressed, so I figured I'd do a quick run down of last night's NBA action to ease the tension. This brand new trend on the Internet called facebook (why did that come up when I searched facebook?) is sweeping across the world, as is a spin off called Vague-booking. So, to keep up with the hip youth of today, I'm going to Vague-blog.

Charlotte vs Detroit

Stuckey showed us all why he's still not considered a candidate in keeper leagues by dropping a not-so-cool 6-3-1, while Sir Charlie V showed him how its done with 5-5 three point shooting. Chris Wilcox (still plays basketball apparently) put up his first double digit scoring game of the season with 15pts and 8rebs. While he might be trying to prove he's worth more minutes, we all know he's not, so don't hold your breath for that to happen again. While on the Charlotte front, Gerald Wallace missed his 5th game in a row, prompting Boris Diaw to put up another mediocre game. Outside the Time Warner Cable Arena, fantasy GM's from all over came to show they're support for Gerald (who targets a Friday return, thank fucking god!) by means of a candlelight vigil. It looked something like this...Orlando vs New Jersey

Dwighty put up a roto-friendly line of 19-13-3 with 6 rejections, but it all fell apart when Kris Humphries blocked him. And in a snowball effect, that block prompted Turkoglu to throw down 20-7-5 with 4 treys. Bizarre, I know, I haven't really made the connection yet, but I know its there. J-Rich feeling the flow in Florida yet? Doesn't look like it, although it appears he's gonna gobble up lots of playing time (approx 32 min per).

Dallas vs OKC

My friend Patty got married this summer, and his wife Nicki said he couldn't read this blog until I mentioned DeShawn Stevenson. Now obviously I was hesitant at first, but last night Deshawn had a menage a' treys on decent %'s (that was 75% from the floor, 75% from deep and 100% from the stripe). Dirk responded in a non-Dirk fashion, by matching Stevenson's line almost identically. Unfortunately for Dirkums it only translated into 13 points. Major downer. Mark Cuban shit when he saw that, but he himself, is happy that Patty can read the Bear now.

Toronto vs Memphis

Nani was out, Kleiza beasted yet again. Read this for an uneducated synopsis. Who the fuck is Joey Dorsey? Or shall I say, Joey '10-13' Dorsey. Meh... play him till Nani's back. Zach Randolph was going for his 4th straight double double (or his 19th of the season) but ended up beating Brent Barry's wife with a rubber hose when he couldn't muster up those last 2 boards. And OJ Mayo really shoved this in my face by going 1 of 5 from beyond and clocking in a measly 12 points.

New Orleans vs Kevin Love-esota

I could make a fantasy roster out of these 2 teams if I had too. CP3 (23 pts, 13 ast, 6 rebs, 5 stls).... and well I guess I'd draft the rest from Minny. Beasley (Beastly) 30pts, 9 rebs, 7 asts, 12-20 shooting. Super cool Beas, super cool dude. And Luke Ridnour, who might be on the wire in your Yahoo! league, had 12 pts and 11 asts last eve, while sexy Wes Johnson scored the ball a whole lot, which he's been known to do from time to time.

Washington vs Houston

Kirk Hinrich is back in the saddle (metaphorically I mean, that is to say if he ever really was there to begin with), at least till John 'dude-love' Wall comes back into the starting lineup, but look out for more 15 or 19 point games while logging heavy minutes. Aaron Brooks also pulled a John Wall and came off the bench, he served up a decently healthy meal of 15-4-5 in 22 min. "Do they really give Chase Budinger play time??" <--- that was me 20 seconds before tuning into this game and remembering Chuck Hayes still plays ball, and is likely to give you minimal hand fulls like 7 pts, 8 rebs, 4 asts, 2 stls when in the starting lineup.

Atlanta vs Milwaukee

Marvin Williams is scoring in double digits constantly right now, Yahoo! sports fantasy writers told me his middle name was 'inconsistent' though, I wonder, do they mean in real life? I dig Marv right now, he's worth a deuce. None of the Hawks reached the 20pt pinnacle last night, and that seems to be a reoccurring trend for them these days. None of them are averaging 20pts this year, which is expected yet still uncomfortable for some Josh Smith / Joe Johnson owners. Lets see, who did well for the Bucks.... Kenyon Dooling?? 42 minutes in each of his last 2 games?? I suppose with Jennings out his ownership is on the rise, but man, im not sure anyone understands the self loathing that accompanies having to write about Dooling. Seriously, about as bad as Deshawn Stevenson. Sigh, well, thats it for me folks. Do we have a picture??

Next up, Adam challenges Don Nelson to a spicy chicken wing eating contest. We explore the fantasy implications!