Thursday, February 3, 2011

Stone Drunk in the Fastlane!

The following is a non-relevant, non-sensical summary of last nights Fantasy implications.
First up, big thumbs up to Earl Watson who apparently still plays basketball and can still run for 45 minutes (clocking in a respectable 11pts, 9 rebs, 8 asts) and hold down the fort at PG while Deron Williams is out. I normally wouldn't wish this on even my enemy, but if Deron misses an extended period of time, I have no choice but to wish Daniel Gibson onto Deron's own starting fantasy roster. Harsh I know, but I'm getting desperate.

I recently read somewhere (aforementioned link not found) that Boris Diaw's poor shooting of late comes from a lack of confidence, or some kind of wack shit like that. I believe the quote was "he has trouble believing he can make those shots.." says Bobcats Coach Paul Silas. Well Boris, including you that makes at least two of us. So scared to shoot he only had 3 attempts last night, and did not make a single one. Fucks sakes Boris. The 9 assists he tacked on to his 0 points were of no consolation.

Derek Rose recently appeared as a guest on Man VS Food (aforementioned comment a blatant lie) and ate 15 tacos or something. There was talk of his spicy diet, which formulated into an ulcer, sidelining Rose, but that talk was quieted by 3 consecutive games of spicy taco, hot sauce fueled madness (meaning total contributions of : 74 pts, 30 asts, and 7 treys). Fuckin love tacos.

And Ronnie Brewer... oh boy. Brutal. Ronnie's so bad he can't even bump Keith Bogans from the starting lineup. If they made a movie about Ronnie Brewer's life, the screenplay would look something like this:
Page 1: Ronnie joins the NBA

Page 2 through 500: Ronnie puts up 0 pts, 1 reb, 1 TO

Page 501: Ending credits

We all had an unspoken "never again" pact with OJ Mayo after being consistently goosed by poor play and un-amusing off-court shenanigans, but after OJ came clean about the fact that he never eats anywhere but Esso and consequently got benched for another stretch of time, we all decided to make that pact official. It looked something like this.....
Gerald Wallace needs to get his life together. 4 consecutive poor performances that left me saying to myself "Well, at least he still steals the ball." Last evenings 10pts, 9 Rebs, 3 ast was sadly the best we've seen from Gerald so far this February. I'm not pissed Gerald, but you gotta see it from my perspective. Your out there, making 10 mill a year, being an All Star and all that stuff, and I'm here, sitting all alone, in the dark, naked, smoking weed, watching Stattracker , and I have to keep refreshing the page cause I imagine it's frozen when I see 7pts 4 rebs , only to my surprise you've simply shit the bed, and my computer is operating just fine thank you.

Blake Griffen continued his audacious reign of pain as well last night, 32 pts, 13 rebs, 7 asts , check his gamelog, but get a towel and a bucket first, that mammoth of a line is the norm for Blake right now. His averages speak for themselves. Unfortunately they can't type for themselves though, so I'll do that: 23 pts, 13 rebs, 51% FG and almost a steal per. Averaging 3.6 assists per game, it's safe to say his passing is sexy, with only 2.7 TO's (sounds like lots, but Blake gets more touches then Ben Roethlisberger's girlfriends). What other NBA rookie (widely known as a Fantasizers Fantasy) would have a song written about them already?

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