Sunday, April 11, 2010


You are now the winningest coach in NBA history, 1333 Ws. Nice work. Well done. Retire this off season. Pretty please. Can't argue with his reality results, but this man has crushed the fantasy potential of some of his beloved players, teasing the bear with his delicious picnic of young talent.

Now we can hope that next year there will be no "here's Donny" for the likes of Tony Randolph, Tony Morrow and Andris Biedrins. Consistent minutes are the only thing holding these guys back from being fantasy studs, or at the very least fantasy relevant. My major beef is with Randolph. In his rookie season, the bear developed an obsession with his impressive production in limited minutes. Some of us dared to dream of what of this 20 year old German could do in 36min. However, Donny Mac bludgeoned those dreams to death with his tight fisted hoarding of minutes at the 4 spot. Insistent on starting Cor-Magnum, or one D-leaguer or another as his PF, Full Nelson descended into madness. Before going over on his ankle and ending his season, T-Rolf had been starting but playing just over 20min a game. I realize his inexperience and toothpick build made him a project, sometimes a liability on defense, but why not plug him in and make him learn the hard way? The days of Dirk-crushing playoff runs are gone, why not develop the youngin? Ant-Ran managed to stay on the floor for over 36 twice this year and through both games tallied this total of big man stats: 27pts, 17rebs and 9blks. Roto prime rib, succulent roto veal, meaty bigman smorgasboard in a vegan lineup...
Why Don? Why? It's time to hang up your whistle, you've done a lot in the NBA maybe it's time for a new challenge. For instance Donny you could move to Asia, rediscover your passion for coaching at a circus, training goats and monkeys.
Please, if you have a soul and you do not retire, do one thing, do it for the bear. Kill your baby seals in a more human fashion; like with a 50. cal, or a poisoned dart gun, or with a clan of ninja assassins. What I mean is play Tonys squared and the Latvian, and stop rescuing D-leaguers. Yet the bear salutes you Nellie. You got made, you are now the Godfather, the Don of NBA dubs. Good on ya.


  1. This is amazing. I think I am gonna have to extend author privileges to the Authority. Man

  2. hating on don nelson is a way of life

  3. i also H8 the big