Toney Douglas : 3pt Reciprocal

Nice Work Toney! D'antoni promised him big minutes even in the wake of Mr Big Shot's return, and everyone knows D'antoni loves fantasy, and is looking out for GM's everywhere. Toney's been seeing an average of 30 min this March, even off the bench (although he did start 6 games earlier this month, and 4 of those were W's). 17 trey balls in the last 3 games (including a staggering 9/12 from deep against Memphis on March 17th), and a total of 35 in March alone, all on 48% shooting. I'd label him a specialist if he wasn't also beefing up your other cats with almost 6 apg as well as a handful of rebounds. We've seen alot of random upstarts jacking 3's for the fantasy heavy Knicks this year but Toney has remained the most consistent, so maybe I should have posted this before the default trade deadline in most leagues, cause he's probably not on the waiver.... Damn.

Facts and Fables, Part 1A

Fable: Reality is perception.

Not in fantasy land it isn't; case and point #32 for the Clips and #2 for the Wiz. The parrot at my Granny's old folks home could tell you Blake and John (who are both on a first name basis with the Bear) are epic freak athletes who are going to run shit in the NBA long after David Stern's corpse is found in a dumpster behind 7-Eleven. That's the reality. The perception is that John and Blake are fantasy beasts as well. WRONG! Johnny's season average ranks just in front of Miami's Mario and Mike, and right behind Tony Douglas and Daniel Gibson. Nobody wants to be behind Tony Douglas, Roger Mason clearly hates his life. Same ish for Blake. Grant Hill, Tard Lewis and Thaddeus Young (althought they are 3s with PF eligibility) all rank higher than Gryffindor. If anyone actually drafted Chuck Hayes ahead of Blake, as the rankings would suggest you should have, I will get on my knees and **** your ****.

Fact: Triple doubles > wins in Washington.

First Andray tried, then Javale succeeded. Ja-raff was so overjoyed about his numbers he got a T for his victory pull-up, although the Wiz weren't victorious. Blatche's near t-dub gave the Wiz a rare W, to his great despair.

Fable: I will not buy into Marcus Thornton next year after he fantasy-fucked so many nice people in 10/11.

The guy just needs minutes. Fuck his individual defense or lack thereof, that's why you have Sammy D on the block. His numbers in March: 39min 23-3-3-2-2 on close to 50%fg and 80%ft. What the crap?

Fact:I love Chuck Hayes, I'm not just saying that because I'm drunk.

Chuckwagon is a 6'6 center who D's up hard in reality, and is constantly making me smile in fantasy. Apparently I'm not the only one who feels that way, this demented crackpot put "The Wagon" on his top 50 bubble while the likes of Marc Gasol and Andrew Bogut dropped out of favor. 30pts 26rebs 8dimes 7stl/blk for Chucky in his last 2.

Fact or Fable toss-up:

-If Julain Assange gets booked in Sweden, the Bear may become more politically conscious.
-One month would be enough time before the Bear begins to make Japanese nuclear references.

Javale McGee: 12 Blocks

Too Lazy, Go Here.

Nice Work, Jodie Meeks!

Fucking Killing it in March! In 6 games Meeks is doing 13 points, 1.3 steals and 2.6 threes a game. Just in time for playoffs too. A measly 18% ownership in yahoo leagues means he's probably available in your house as well. Go get him!

Fantasy Hype Machine: PF changes in the Fantasy Basketball Landscape

Listen to the first cuts of this album about Point Guards, Shooting Guards and Small Forwards.

To call the bear a fantasy basketball engineer is like calling myself an environmental technician even though I mow my lawn with gasoline. I care about the environment (my porch is a raccoon drop-in center with all you can eat garbage), and have somehow 'engineered' my way to a top spot in two of my four leagues. I credit this to getting off food and concentrating on the booze for a while. It gives me laser like focus and intensity. I wake up in interesting places and the Bear always calls me back. Enough about my life goals, let's have a look at some stunner Power Forwards who have slipped their finger into the butthole of roster-ability, big time:

Kevin Love: 3's, Rebounds
And How! Danny KLOVEr has been a man possessed this season (possessed to play amazing so he can leave Minnesota, see: Al Jefferson). He scores the ball in the post, has range for days, presenting match up problems for a good chunk of the leagues 4's, and hasn't missed a double-double since November 22nd. That's about 250 straight games by my count. He's also got seven 30/15 games to his name, some of those being 30/20's and a 30/30. Your probably thinking: "Holy shit! Kevin Love is playing well this year? That's amazing fucking news!" What you didn't know is that he's stepping in as the new King of all Kings in Egypt once Mubarak is assassinated and I'm currently in the process of buying his semen off e-bay so I can spike the local water supply and surround my self with hyper-rebounding ultra men that can dazzle my fans with trick shots when I grow weary of signing autographs.

Al Horford: Efficiency,
Another man child who has played himself into a possible first round selection next year with his uber-efficient all-round game (Hello Alf Horf, Goodbye Brook Lopez). Al's game has been pretty steady ever since his rookie year. His blocks won't anchor you but they help (1.1/game). His rebounds have been sticking around 10 per game since year one and he doesn't turn the ball over a whole lot. FG% and FT% are really what kicked the Horfs game into high gear this season as he's doing career highs in both. 56% on 12 shots is good stuff and while his 82% on 2.5 free throw attempts per game don't wow you, they don't hurt either, which about all you can ask from some center eligible types these days.

Lamarcus Aldridge: Stud
Where in next years draft has Lamarcus Aldridge played himself into? Top 10? Just after Pau? Nah, too soon. Aldridge has been scoring the shit outta the ball as the primary focus of the Blazers offense with Brandon Roy out and has kept his defense stout with 2.3 combines steals and blocks. Post-3rd-year-hype-breakout-2nd-round-sleeper? Sounds about right.

Amir Johnson: Neighbor to a Friend
'Feisty' Johnson as his teammates all him, is having on of those "efficient" fantasy seasons you keep hearing about on other blogs. He doesn't turn it over much and shoots a ridiculously high percentage because he has taken three shots outside the paint all season. While his per-36s don't quite measure up to his explosive Detroit years, no one is mad because blocking 400+ shots a season just does not happen anymore. 10/7 with 1.5 blocks aren't the stuff dreams are made of, but for a guy that doesn't hurt you anywhere and was an afterthought in most drafts, he's paying off nicely.

Kris Humphries: Dipping is pen in the kompany ink
What the fuck? Where did Humph come from this year? He's averaging 11 off the glass as a starter and making Brook Lopez his bitch when it comes to boards. He's another inside presence, like Amir, so he shoots a great percentile, doesn't turn it over and doesn't hurt you at the line. I get the feeling that he's not a long term piece of the puzzle in NJ though. Not russian enough.

Blake Griffin: Awesomist
Who doesn't love Blake this year? You? Then fuck you! I don't like you! Blake is dominating and
the Clippers future is somehow looking bright. He's doesn't rack up a lot of defensive stats and his free throw shooting is starting to become a negative, but fuck that shit. I want Blakey on my team next year and not even Shuttlesworth can stop me.

WTF MANU???

Sunday March 6th, 2011

Spurs Vs Lakers

Naahh it's cool Manu, Time Duncan was basically just as bad. Combined 4/17 fg% and a total of 8 pts, in a combined 46 minutes. Disappointing, and who the fuck is Gary Neal?

Chicago Vs 'A combined 69pts from the Big 3'

They shot a staggering 51 attempts from the field and 18 free throws combined, beasted heavy for lines like D-Wade's 20pts, 4rebs, 5ast, 7to's!!!!!, Bron Bron's 26pts, 8rebs, 6ast, 2stl, and CB4's 23pts, 5rebs, 1stl, 1blk, but still couldn't come up with the win. That's 4 straight losses for the Heat, and 4 steps closer to Erik Spoelstra losing his job. Who knows, maybe it's not his fault, maybe it's cause D-Wade can't throw his keys to a valet driver without someone else catching them.

Golden State Vs Philly

Iggy triple dubbed (I said it... Iggy), a quietly efficient 15-10-11, while Jrue Holiday almost did the same (16-8-7), with 6 steals between the 2 of them. I didn't see the game personally, but can anyone clarify if all 6 of those thefts occurred from Monta Ellis' possession? Also, props to Thaddeus Young for putting up a solid line and closing the book in my favor (last minute) in another nail biting head 2 head weekly battle. Thadd had 20-7 with a block and 2 steals. Nice.

Knicks Vs Hawks

Toney Douglas as a starter, I like it. Serious streaker, but D'Antoni is a believer, and Tone-Tone has rewarded D'Antoni's faith with 22 trey-balls since Feb 1st. Atlanta had a relatively uneventful day for fantasy ball on Sunday, not a single player reached the 20pt pinnacle, a seemingly reoccurring trend for the Hawks lately.

New Orleans Vs Cleveland

I thought this dude's last name was 'Poindexter' at first glance. Pretty fucking close!

OKC Vs The Suns

Gortat is a beast! I've heard people drop his name as a potential Keeper going into next year now that he's in Arizona. Split stats reveal his numbers almost doubling since January, currently averaging 8 more pts per game than he did in December. Dead fucking serious about Polish people man.

Side note to this game: what happened Durant? Sure, sure, 11/12 from the line is tight, but 3/14 from the field in 44min of play? It was overtime for fucks sake! Thank god for Nick Collison (j/k).

Memphis Vs Dallas

Shane Battier put up a double-double, gobbling up 11-11. Unfortunately that meant Zach Randolph was only able to accumulate 9 boards (to go along with 27pts and 4 steals), which in turn halted an on again - off again double double streak he has going. Can Zach deal with this? Does Shane know who he's dealing with? Does Eddy Curry miss Zach Randolph's company?

Boston Vs The Bucks

Krstic put together the best of his last 4 games (all including double digit scoring and low TO's), scoring 17pts on 87.5% fg and 75% ft, effectively clearing the way for Jermaine O'Neal to retire... or fuck off... however you see it.

FEAR THE GINGER! RESPECT THE HOAGIE!

Matty Bones aka The Red Rocket aka King Ginger Jesus aka Orange Rain is demanding your damned respect! Is fantasy b-ball still relevant to you? Yes? Nice, congrats. Now then, might you be in need of 3's without compromising efficiency? Well then, talk about a match made in heaven. MB15 is to you like what a ChuckECheese parking lot is to a pedophile: BONANZA! Peep the line from last night: 24min, 18pts, 5rebs, 6/7fg, 6/7tres! Like whoa, talk about a specialist. Str8-Bone'n has more 3s this season than Mamba and Ben Gordon (who fuckin sucks) while appearing in 17 less games and playing far less minutes. My advice to you, Diamond Dallas Page, is to get your sandwich on. My advice to all you Bear-believers is to check the wire ASAP for this soulless assassin b4 he rains one-handed jimmys on your family and fucks your shit stack.

Nice Work, Dwight Howard!

Post all-star Dwighty is killing it! In Fact, 2011 Dwight is also killing it! In his last 9 games, he's been swatting 3 shots per and shooting a week-after-week winning 67% from the floor! Holy exclamation points!

Chase-ing your Fantasy Dreams

The Chase is on people!Shane Battier - "Good luck in the starter spot!"

Chase Budinger - "I blend in with purgatory."

Freak-like in appearance (just kidding, he's not that awkward really), this albino terror is squeezing every last drop of fantasy relevance from the heavy minutes he's been seeing as of late (the last 2 games specifically). Coming off the bench for just shy of 30 min against Cleveland Feb 23rd, the Dinger went 9-18 from the field, and 4-8 from deep, totalling a blindingly white 30pts and 8rebs. Then Saturday night against Deron Williams' highly efficient 15-17 and the Nets, the damage done by Chase totalled 27-6-2, 8/11 fg% and 3/4 trey ptm, on 33 min of play.

In a year and a half of NBA experience, (not only has he probably grown a foot in height) the Dingbat's numbers have proven solidity when offered court time. He's unafraid to shoot the ball, he's white as a fucking snowstorm, and it shows as the play-time increases. In the 26 professional games he's played where he's seen 25+ min, his fg sits at 51% on average of 15pts per game. And now guess what.... Chase (the Jordy Craddock of the NBA) is starting from here on in. And he's expected to thrive as a deep threat specialist. Mark me down.

Mario Chalmers in Heat

...and looking to mate.

Mario Chalmers has strung 3 straight double digit point efforts together recently, accompanied by all the 3's and steals that managers came to love in his rookie year and could be the new face of weekly waiver wire pick up articles across the webs if he can maintain some shadow of consistency. No one expected Super Mario to do much this year in the 3 kings offense. It was last year that he was supposed to build on the momentum of a promising rookie campaign, when he was a solid contributor with averages of 1.4 three's, 2 steals 32 minutes and 4.9 assists. To no ones surprise, he hasn't done much this year. The only positive trending statistic in his 3 year career is his decrease in turnovers that usually accompany a lack of minutes and touches. Having been gifted the starting role of point guard against the Raptors way back in January, Chalmerisis has actually been a decent source of 3's (1.2/per) and steals (1.2/per) ever since joining the starting five. He hasn't hurt your FG% either shooting damn near 50% as a starter. Sustainable? Probably not. Worthy of a pick up? One more game and the bear will too tempted by the stench of youth and picnic baskets to resist.

Nice Work Kenyon Martin!

Chavez here looks to be playing the role of beneficiary now that Melo & Dr. Cock & Balls scooted town. After spending the entire first half (and more) on the bench nursing an injury, pondering whether or not he should consider the fact that Sheldon Williams momentarily assumed his role a kick in the junk, Kenyon is back! Still only owned in 9% of Yahoo! leagues, now would be the time to sink your bear paws deep. The (former?? who knows..?) Fantasy Beasts from NY (Felton, Chandler and Gallinari) are gonna need a game or two to settle into Denver, Nene finds himself in lots of foul trouble lately, and we all know Al Harrington is a bum, so Kenyon should be seeing lots of time and should be a center piece in George Karl's offense, at least temporarily.

Bear to Carmelo Anthony: You've been traded: Links

Anthony finally coming out of his room, reprises threats about running away

The shit has finally hit the fan and oppose to running some busted ass piece I wrote describing how Timofey Mozgov and Sheldon Williams were the real winners in the melo-drama, I'm just gonna trout out some links of people who have already done it for me! Yay! So go on read about this trade and what Matt Buser has to say about sharing here! Don't forget to slide Give me the rock a look here! Fantasy Basketball Breakdown break's it down here! Damn Lies and stats rates the trade in Carmelo Anthony's here! fBasketball blog goes heartless with their color coding here! The Bear shows you how to draw one here!