Chase-ing your Fantasy Dreams

The Chase is on people!Shane Battier - "Good luck in the starter spot!"

Chase Budinger - "I blend in with purgatory."

Freak-like in appearance (just kidding, he's not that awkward really), this albino terror is squeezing every last drop of fantasy relevance from the heavy minutes he's been seeing as of late (the last 2 games specifically). Coming off the bench for just shy of 30 min against Cleveland Feb 23rd, the Dinger went 9-18 from the field, and 4-8 from deep, totalling a blindingly white 30pts and 8rebs. Then Saturday night against Deron Williams' highly efficient 15-17 and the Nets, the damage done by Chase totalled 27-6-2, 8/11 fg% and 3/4 trey ptm, on 33 min of play.

In a year and a half of NBA experience, (not only has he probably grown a foot in height) the Dingbat's numbers have proven solidity when offered court time. He's unafraid to shoot the ball, he's white as a fucking snowstorm, and it shows as the play-time increases. In the 26 professional games he's played where he's seen 25+ min, his fg sits at 51% on average of 15pts per game. And now guess what.... Chase (the Jordy Craddock of the NBA) is starting from here on in. And he's expected to thrive as a deep threat specialist. Mark me down.

Mario Chalmers in Heat

...and looking to mate.

Mario Chalmers has strung 3 straight double digit point efforts together recently, accompanied by all the 3's and steals that managers came to love in his rookie year and could be the new face of weekly waiver wire pick up articles across the webs if he can maintain some shadow of consistency. No one expected Super Mario to do much this year in the 3 kings offense. It was last year that he was supposed to build on the momentum of a promising rookie campaign, when he was a solid contributor with averages of 1.4 three's, 2 steals 32 minutes and 4.9 assists. To no ones surprise, he hasn't done much this year. The only positive trending statistic in his 3 year career is his decrease in turnovers that usually accompany a lack of minutes and touches. Having been gifted the starting role of point guard against the Raptors way back in January, Chalmerisis has actually been a decent source of 3's (1.2/per) and steals (1.2/per) ever since joining the starting five. He hasn't hurt your FG% either shooting damn near 50% as a starter. Sustainable? Probably not. Worthy of a pick up? One more game and the bear will too tempted by the stench of youth and picnic baskets to resist.

Nice Work Kenyon Martin!

Chavez here looks to be playing the role of beneficiary now that Melo & Dr. Cock & Balls scooted town. After spending the entire first half (and more) on the bench nursing an injury, pondering whether or not he should consider the fact that Sheldon Williams momentarily assumed his role a kick in the junk, Kenyon is back! Still only owned in 9% of Yahoo! leagues, now would be the time to sink your bear paws deep. The (former?? who knows..?) Fantasy Beasts from NY (Felton, Chandler and Gallinari) are gonna need a game or two to settle into Denver, Nene finds himself in lots of foul trouble lately, and we all know Al Harrington is a bum, so Kenyon should be seeing lots of time and should be a center piece in George Karl's offense, at least temporarily.

Bear to Carmelo Anthony: You've been traded: Links

Anthony finally coming out of his room, reprises threats about running away

The shit has finally hit the fan and oppose to running some busted ass piece I wrote describing how Timofey Mozgov and Sheldon Williams were the real winners in the melo-drama, I'm just gonna trout out some links of people who have already done it for me! Yay! So go on read about this trade and what Matt Buser has to say about sharing here! Don't forget to slide Give me the rock a look here! Fantasy Basketball Breakdown break's it down here! Damn Lies and stats rates the trade in Carmelo Anthony's here! fBasketball blog goes heartless with their color coding here! The Bear shows you how to draw one here!

Chris Kaman's Epic Return

This video isn't recent as you may or may not have been able to tell. What is recent is Chris Kaman playing 9 and a half spot minutes for the Clippers against the Timberwolves Wednesday night. News has been sketchy at best about when Kaman would return and what his role was going to be now that Deandre Jordon has "cemented" himself into the starting five next to the "Biracial Facial". Deandre's starting numbers look like 7/8 with 1.8 blocks while shooting an absurd 67% from the floor because all he does is dunk. Some numbers that could definitely help you in most leagues, but also numbers that could go down if Jordan get's his minutes cut into by a gun-happy proven like Kaman. Kaman has been a fantasy draft staple for 6 odd seasons now, too rough around the edges for a top 50 slection but always a nice 2nd/3rd tier center you could get cheaper than his counter parts. So what now? What the fuck happens now? Deandre is no offensive dynamo and Vinny Del Negro knows it. Kaman is a rock around the hoop and with Eric Gordon still out, the Clippers desperately need someone to take pressure off Blake Griffin. Randy Foye has been a decent option but is basically the new Ricky Davis. Baron Davis has never shot better than 43% for a whole season. Rasual Butler, Al-Farouq Aminu and Ryan Gomes just stand around like a bunch of sucked off dicks. They need him. It might take a while, and Blake will still be the #1 option in Clipperland, but Kaman will get his conditioning back up and eventually usurp Deandre Jordon as the other half of the other half of the LA bigs. Book it.

Be Bear Aware: Of the 'Bobcats' (and apparantley Gerald Henderson??)

The following excerpt was borrowed from the 1984 Farmer's Almanac

Seriously, don't let the title of this article fool you, I wouldn't worry too much about Gerald Henderson mauling you in the woods, but he got tossed 30 min tonight against the Phil Jackson's and put up decent stats of a shooting guard nature (18pts, 4rebs, 4ast, No To's, and 2 blocks), more than likely a result of Stephen Jackson's poor shooting, but worth keeping tabs on if any of the Bobby C's go down.

San Antonio Vs Jersey

Holy fucking shit, Brook Lopez did it again, for the first time since December 1st.... he pulled down 10+ boards. That's awesome.

Atlanta Vs Detroit

Is T'Mac a factor? Does he hold weight? Juicy numbers thus far in Feb? I.... I dunno, look at his face. I don't trust that face. Though he certainly has been dropping dimes all over the court. For Atlanta Josh Smith beasted heavy, rocking 27pts, 14rebs, 3ast, 3stls, and Marvin Williams came on a little strong with 33 min, putting in an uncharacteristic 15pts, 8rebs, 2stls, 1blk. Josh Smith must have taken a portion of his talents and done this to Marvin. But only a little.

Milwaukee Vs The Clips

It played out something like this:

1. See certain potential last year.

2. Give in to erroneous (tested and proven over the years) drafting habits, that at the time seem like a good idea.

3. Draft John Salmons, then later Carlos Delfino (not me, but just for blogs sake)

4. Curse them both in ways that probably actually emotionally affected there games from a distance.

Then just when we all forgot about them, they finally paid off, Delfino tonight with a monstrous 26pts, 9rebs, 2ast, 3stls, 0 to's, and Salm-daddy with a fundamental, yet solid 16pts, 12ast and 0 to's.

Portland Vs Minnesota

Camby never came back, at this point I'm pretty sure Brandon Roy has no cartilage left in his knees, and Batum's a bust, but Wes Matthews is looking nice (23pts, 7rebs, 2asts, 2stls, 0 to's), as is Pryzbilla (just kidding!).

Houston Vs Denver

Chase Budinger's nationality puzzles me.

Next up, the Bear trys it hand at dinosaur fighting. It's kind of like cock fighting, but also alot like this picture above.

Dejuan Blair Thieves Rock

Dejaun Blair has quietly been a solid contributor to the steals category all season. For a player that's only 6'7 and fits into your C spot, that's not too bad for small ball. He's like a parallel universe small ball center that only get's steals and no 3's. He's also been good enough on the offensive end, doubling up points and rebounds in 5 of his last 6 games and 8 of the spurs last 13. Also averaging 1.6 steals over the last 11 games, Blair has been producing under the radar. He's fixed his FG% after a shaky start and yet is still 7th on the Spurs in per game minutes. What does the future hold for Young Blair? Hopefully a shit-ton of opportunities as he becomes the next Tim Duncan and Tim Duncan slides over to the David Robinson spot. That leaves me to move up to being the new Adrian Wojnarowski, making Shuttlesworth the new Dejuan Blair and leaving Crash to be the new Fanarchy. We will be holding live auditions for the new Crash come August when booze and pills have left us dried out, blogging husks.


Thanks for dropping by. Next up we discuss whether this post was a good enough excuse to post this picture of Dejuan Blairs girlfriend. Our research team says yes!

NBA Fantasy: Deep Waiver Wire: Category Specialists

The Bear has woken from his slumber to point out to me that players with relatively low ranks on the season can still have some nice value in deeper leagues if they can impact a single category like Batman impact Robins ability get with the ladies. We are gonna take a look at the counting stats because FG%, Turnovers and FT% are all relative (take that science). And we like our leagues deep, so deep you just dropped Earl Boykins to pick up Eddie House.

Let's start with the category most roto-cubs would attack a game warden to get:

Player, Stat, (% Owned)

Blocks: Larry Sanders 1.3/game (1%), Ed Davis 1.1/game (8%) Joel Anthony 1.6/game (4%), Taj Gibson 1.6/game (29%), Ronny Turiaf 1.1/game (10%), Chris Anderson 1.0/game (12%), Ben Wallace 1.0/game (12%)

The list for deep league blocks looks like a who's who of mediocre back-up centers. It's a mix of young bucks that have some nice upside (Gibson, Sanders, Davis) career role players (Turiaf, Anderson, Anthony) and once greats (Ben Wallace). Chances are pretty good these guys are already taken if your league is deep enough. Larry Sanders is the only one left in my 18 team roto league and he's logged all of 22 minutes in February. Bone chilling.

Steals:Tony Allen 1.7/game (6%), Corey Brewer 1.6/game (15%), Derek Fisher 1.5/game(12%), Thabo Sefelosha 1.4/game (11%), Ronnie Brewer 1.4 (12%), Tony Douglas 1.2/game(14%)

Sometimes you really have to choke on some trout bones if you wanna get those sweet steals baby. In Corey Brewers case, it's FG%. In Derek Fishers case, it's also FG%. But in the curious case of Tony Douglas its....FG%. Fuck. Tony Allen is the real steal asset here as he's been thieving rocks like a mad man.

3PTM: Rudy Fernandez 1.5/game (17%) James Jones 1.5/game (15%) Peja Stojakovic 1.8/game (6%), Jodie Meeks 1.7/game (5%), Gary Neal 1.5/game (4%) Matt Bonner 1.8/game (4%) James Posey 1.5/game (1%)

3's are really the easiest category to get off the wire as James Posey willingly demonstrates every night by taking 4 of his 5 shots a night from deep. Peja got the start for Mavs the other night and barring a shake-up he could see some value if all he has to do is chuck. Rudy Fernandez has put together a little consistency over his last 3, but with Brandon Roy looming on the horizon, his value is gonna be 3 limited. I'm going to go pick up Jodie Meeks right now.

Rebounds: Kendrick Perkins 8.4/game (30%), Jeff Foster 7.2/game (3%) Chuck Hayes 6.8/game (39%) Kwame Brown 6.8/game (12%), Ed Davis 6.2/game(8%) Kurt Thomas 5.8/game (6%)

Rebounds is a tough one. You really have to scrap the bottom of the barrel for losers. Losers that make enough money to put me through that magicians college if Jeff Foster would just answer my letters.... Ed Davis makes his second appearance in this rundown as he's widely available and a contributor in blocks and rebounds. Chuck Hayes and Kendrick Perkins ownership should see a rise as they are gifted more and more playing time. I'm a little surprised that more owners haven't taken a run at Kwame Brown as he's been about 8/8 on 50% since he got the start for the Bobcats in late December. Jeff Foster and Kurt Thomas are the real deep league specials here. They take a separate bus to games and make crafts with crayons and scissors that can't cut anything but paper hearts.

Assists: Jordan Farmar 4.4/game (8%), Johnny Flynn 3.6/game (16%), Jose Juan Barrea 3.3/game (5%) Jarred Blayless 3.5/game (3%)

Assists is another tough one. Jarred Blayless and JJ Barrea are difficlut to recommend because their playing time is so erratic. Upstairs Johnny Flynn might be a nice add as long as Luke Ridnour is out and Jordan Farmer is acutally a nice pick up who can help you rack up some dimes off the bench. But c'mon, any player that can help you in assists is already taken.

Thanks for tuning in, next week we take a look at the all-star game and I start drinking again. Has my hiatus been long enough to give me alcohol poisoning? We'll find out!

Stone Drunk in the Fastlane!

The following is a non-relevant, non-sensical summary of last nights Fantasy implications.
First up, big thumbs up to Earl Watson who apparently still plays basketball and can still run for 45 minutes (clocking in a respectable 11pts, 9 rebs, 8 asts) and hold down the fort at PG while Deron Williams is out. I normally wouldn't wish this on even my enemy, but if Deron misses an extended period of time, I have no choice but to wish Daniel Gibson onto Deron's own starting fantasy roster. Harsh I know, but I'm getting desperate.

I recently read somewhere (aforementioned link not found) that Boris Diaw's poor shooting of late comes from a lack of confidence, or some kind of wack shit like that. I believe the quote was "he has trouble believing he can make those shots.." says Bobcats Coach Paul Silas. Well Boris, including you that makes at least two of us. So scared to shoot he only had 3 attempts last night, and did not make a single one. Fucks sakes Boris. The 9 assists he tacked on to his 0 points were of no consolation.

Derek Rose recently appeared as a guest on Man VS Food (aforementioned comment a blatant lie) and ate 15 tacos or something. There was talk of his spicy diet, which formulated into an ulcer, sidelining Rose, but that talk was quieted by 3 consecutive games of spicy taco, hot sauce fueled madness (meaning total contributions of : 74 pts, 30 asts, and 7 treys). Fuckin love tacos.

And Ronnie Brewer... oh boy. Brutal. Ronnie's so bad he can't even bump Keith Bogans from the starting lineup. If they made a movie about Ronnie Brewer's life, the screenplay would look something like this:

Page 1: Ronnie joins the NBA

Page 2 through 500: Ronnie puts up 0 pts, 1 reb, 1 TO

Page 501: Ending credits

We all had an unspoken "never again" pact with OJ Mayo after being consistently goosed by poor play and un-amusing off-court shenanigans, but after OJ came clean about the fact that he never eats anywhere but Esso and consequently got benched for another stretch of time, we all decided to make that pact official. It looked something like this.....

Gerald Wallace needs to get his life together. 4 consecutive poor performances that left me saying to myself "Well, at least he still steals the ball." Last evenings 10pts, 9 Rebs, 3 ast was sadly the best we've seen from Gerald so far this February. I'm not pissed Gerald, but you gotta see it from my perspective. Your out there, making 10 mill a year, being an All Star and all that stuff, and I'm here, sitting all alone, in the dark, naked, smoking weed, watching Stattracker , and I have to keep refreshing the page cause I imagine it's frozen when I see 7pts 4 rebs , only to my surprise you've simply shit the bed, and my computer is operating just fine thank you.

Blake Griffen continued his audacious reign of pain as well last night, 32 pts, 13 rebs, 7 asts , check his gamelog, but get a towel and a bucket first, that mammoth of a line is the norm for Blake right now. His averages speak for themselves. Unfortunately they can't type for themselves though, so I'll do that: 23 pts, 13 rebs, 51% FG and almost a steal per. Averaging 3.6 assists per game, it's safe to say his passing is sexy, with only 2.7 TO's (sounds like lots, but Blake gets more touches then Ben Roethlisberger's girlfriends). What other NBA rookie (widely known as a Fantasizers Fantasy) would have a song written about them already?

Zach Randolph`s Reign of Terror ends!

Global Fantasy Economy Crashes!

Originally thought of as a poor mans Amare Stoudemire`Milan (aka the 30+ per game whisperer), Zach has been a beast this year, clocking in as Western Conference Player of the Week twice this January. Posting beastly averages of 20-13 on the year, Bear Cubs and Fantasy Enthusiasts alike began wondering what was stopping Zach from making house calls to troubled Fantasy Roster owners and smartening up they're loud, aggressive, overly territorial stat sheets. The answer? Weed smoke I'd imagine. Just last night the Grizzlies collectively agreed to assist Zach in attaining his 15th straight double double of the year, but then, without a doubt, Randolph got high, posting a 10-9, ending his succulent string of high efficiency. Peaks and valleys in the Fantasy economy are common, but this one hurt. Now is not the time to loose you're cool Zach, not now, not when we're so close.

Elsewhere (in the same game/time/place), Mike Conley unlocked the Da Vinci code. Only it turns out, the Da Vinci Code is an algorithm for spectacular Fantasy results. 26pts, 11ast, 4 trey balls and 2 steals. That makes for 23 assists in the last 2 games. Conley is no Russell 'the love muscle' Westbrook (thanks for the update Big Ben), but he is however making those who drafted him look smart. Mikey may not be in the top 50, or even crack it this year, but his contributions to the team that don't show up on paper (and don't translate well into Fantasy) are solid enough to keep his ass in the starting spot, which means lots of play time, which means consistent catagory stuffing.

Amare has 1 goal this year, simply to win you a fantasy championship. While Zach has a slightly different yet relative goal, to be Amare. Both are advocators in the War on Fat chicks, and both can't satisfy they're many wives without punishing double-doubles clear and apparant on the scoreboard. And both, have denied David West post-game beers at the titty club on many occasions.

Somebody get these strippers out of the way!

All-Star Starters Announced, Suck it China, Mayo on Juice?

The All-Star selection process is not an easy thing. Deciding who should be named is much like that common situation I encounter every Saturday night:
it's 1:45, I'm too drunk to fuck but I don't know it yet, there are roughly 3.5 harlots to choose from and 15 minutes in which to do so:
Harlot A) has huge tits but also has huge hands and a cat, and girls with cats are liable to cut off your penis while you sleep.
Harlot B) cute and has indicated she's DTF, but was likely born in 1996.
Harlot C) super hot but passed out, so you'd have to punch-out 3 or 4 of her girlfriends to get her to the trunk.
Harlot C.5) is a 3 foot redhead transgendered midget, without a gag reflex.

Nearly impossible to choose just one but a decision must be made, I digress..

Yao has yet again been voted in as the starting C for the West.. On the season, Yao has scored 51 points and collected 27 boards. To put that into perspective, Earl Boykins has outscored Yao in the last week, and Semih Erden is one rebound away from matching Yao's total as he has 26 in his last 3 games. I blame this on YOU! China!! Patriotism is cool, but seriously go fuck yourselves. If K-Luv doesn't get in because of this I'm never eating moo shu again! To the millions of Iranian Bear followers; next year we must join forces and mass vote in Hamed Haddadi over Yao, thus crippling China's stranglehold on the globe.

In other news, Orenthal James Mayo has been suspended for ten games for testing poz for dehydroepiandrosterone. So that makes 2 players in NBA history who have taken anything that ends in "osterone", the originator is clearly this man. Go get Tony Allen before he averages 4 steals over the next 3 weeks.

Remember folks, the Bear loves you.

Fantasy Hype Machine: SF Changes in the Fantasy Basketball Landscape

Read the first two parts of this series about Point Guards and Shooting Guards here and here.

Welcome home to the 3rd installment of Fantasy Hype Machine, where we explore the statistical changes in the various positions of the NBA and compare those changes to that player's sexual prowess. Is Micheal Beasley a small forward or more of a fluffer? Does Wilson Chandler need to take 5 threes a game to satisfy Mike D'Antoni's wife? Can Ron Artest finish the sexual obstacle course we set up in our office? Let's have a look:

Rudyard Gay: Finally Busting Out of his Fantasy Brazier
Rudy has always had talent. He's always had the athleticism. What he might have lacked (or had been accused of lacking) was drive. He fades in tight games they said. His shit is weak sauce they said. Well no longer (fer fantasy sake). Now Rudy is just the right size for the super bowl and he's getting invited on to the bus in a big way. Career highs in all the counting stats and some disdain for me calling him out in this article are all the motivations Rudy needs to keep the fantasy flowing in GMs favor. 1.1 blocks, 1.3 threes and 1.8 steals are just a few of the statistical highlights Gay is carrying around in his European carry-all this season. FT%, FG% and scoring also accentuate this year's resume like a stint of volunteering at an old folks home. Despite this, Memphis is still wallowing at 19-23 in the tough Western Conference, where they haven't made the playoffs since I bet Crash the Pau led Grizzlies would beat Dirk's champions in the first round of the 2005 post season. Pau and I lost.

Wilson Chandler: D'Antoni reach around
Wilson has been fucking killing it this year. It looked like he might be on the short end of the playing time stick heading into the season, but then he heard I drafted him in the keeper league and BAM! Fantasy fuck fest. A hearty sprinkling of Mike D'Antoni's mustache wax has allowed WC to produce in a big way. 1.7 3's and 1.4 blocks mixed with 1.3 to's have skyrocketed Chandlers value to a top 20ish impact. And he's only the 3rd best fantasy basketball player on the Knicks.

Boris Diaw: Hot Turn Overs
With Tyrus Thomas announcing that he's shutten 'er down for a while, the Bobcats defacto PF is now drunk Uncle Boris. He's too slow for SF and too small for PF making him just right to play in the bastardized line-up that trots the floor in Charlotte most nights. He's settled his line the last couple years into a sort of useless 12/5/4 but with enough turnovers to hurt you and not enough FG% volume to really help you. What the fuck happend to that beautiful, roto glory he once achieved in Phoenix not so long ago (6 years? really? jesus fuck). 13/6/7 with a block and 52% from the floor is the stuff of fantasy legends. But then he busts out this sort of game and yer left scratching your Diaws, wondering why he can't do it every night. Now Boris annually sits around pick 100, waiting to be taken by that reluctant manager, who's drawn to his trend of 30+ minutes the last 3 years. Oh and I lied about Tyrus Thomas, he wasn't effecting the situation at all.

Hedo TurkyGlue: Orlando Resurgence
This Turkish pirate really fucked over my Raptors last season. Going from clutch-time game-saver to no-clutch super douche will really sour an already biased opinion. Seeing him fail miserably for the Suns took some of the edge off, but fantasy monster ballin' once again in Orlando really makes my blood boil (I can taste copper). As soon as Turk hopped back on Superman's cape, he was averaging 6 assists, 1.3 steals and 1.5 3's on 40% from deep faster than you can say "everybody gets one".

Mike Dunleavy: Back at 'er
After painful haircuts marred his career, Mike Dunleavy exploded in 07/08 for a Hedo-esque career year (19/5/3.5 with 2 threes per) and was looking like a keeper for George Orwell until another horrible haircut/injury robbed him of all but 18 games the next season. Two year later and he's found a way to fend off Brandon Rush for enough playing time (on average 30 min) to give your team a quiet boost in 3's and buzzer beating tip-ins.

Nick Young: A Shooting Guard
I know Young Neezy is really more of a shooting guard but I forgot about him in the last piece and felt the neezy to write something nice about him. He's got a great smile...er...ability to shoot the ball? Yes, Neez is not afraid to shoot now that Daddy Gilbert is out of town, hucking 15+ shots a game since early December, one third of those being 3's. As a starter, Young is averaging 20 points, 2.2 threes and less than 2 TO's. It could also be said that he doesn't pass, rebound or play much fantasy defense or that shooting 44% on 5 threes a game is unsustainable, but he's got a heck of a smile.

Demar Derozen: Also a shooting guard
Too gangly for a 3. Not much of a jumper for a 2. But that's what they said about Jason Richardson (ed: No, they didn't). Demar has become the Raptors secondary scorer behind Andrea Bargnani and has demonstrated the ability to get to the rim and not take 3's (that's an ability). January has offered Demar a career high 36+ minutes and he's scoring nearly 20 points a night. Like Nick Young though, Derozan offers little outside of non-painful FG% and Points and the PT has come with a crushing 2.8 TO's.

"Sweet" Lou Deng: 3's
I got unusually aroused when I read this article pre-season. It made me think that Lou Deng might start taking more 3's. My brain and the article were right. Lou is making about 1.5 a game and roughly following his career with 17/6/2. Not amazing, but still pretty good for an englishman.

Trevor Ariza: Over hyped Douche
The worst part about fantasy basketball blogging is having to look at horrible stats. The best part is signing autographs on breasts. Ariza owns shooting percentages that look like the chances of getting some action at the bar, the moon and the street corner. 38% off the floor, 28% beyond the arc and 67% from the stripe are some truly atrocious numbers from a player that has been in the NBA for 9 years and is 6 months younger than me. He really turned that 08' playoff performance into money, making Rick Adelman and Leslie Alexander looks like total cunts for signing him in the off season.

Shane "Courtney" Battier: Roto-Sexual
Steals+Blocks+3's-Turnovers= Yahoo Super Boner! If your fantasy team was made up of Shane Battiers you would lose. No one would score, they would all play staunch defense and get all the loose balls, high fives and everything else that doesn't show up in a boxscore. It's been the same damn thing for sugar Shane since his second year in the league, get 30+ minutes, hustle on D and spot up deep on offense. He's been hovering in and around the 1/1/1 club his whole career and he's got the IQ of a kick boxing scientist. I'm not saying he's not good, just that quiet efficiency doesn't not win championships.

Jamario Moon: Blown Chances
Speaking of production that get's over rated by player raters, Moon has one of those season for the Raptors back in rookie year where he went for 1.4 blocks and a steal with a lowly 51 turnovers in 75 games. He's yet to make anything of himself though he did hit all of his 7 free throws this year. He's so brave.

Fransisco Garcia: Back of the Bus
Just got injured, fuck writing about this guy.

Micheal Beasley: More of a Fluffer
Cool Daddy Beas has gotten a show of faith from Kurt Rambis this year and has managed to score the ball a fair amount after Kevin Love is done with it. It seems that this article has featured a lot of players that can score and don't do whole lot else. Micheal is no exception as he's failed to do anything besides score and not hurt your FG%. After starting the season hot, Super Cool Beas....cooled...fuck....chilled out lately with injuries and general douche bagery that's dropped his scoring average to 14 points per game in January. Will he ever be able to kick his secret drug habit? The Bear got an exclusive interview:

The Bear: So Mike, how's the weed smoking?

Micheal Beasley: Let's get Omega Baked! Tyyaaoo!

Mike's Mom: What's going on in there? You two have been in the bathroom for 20 minutes!

The Bear: Thanks for the interview, I'm leaving through the window.


Tayshaun Prince: The same shit for 8 years
How much less exciting can a player get? 14/3/5 for 7 straight years? Boring! How about some blocks? Some 3s? Some steals? I guess quiet consistency has a place in every managers line-up. Except mine.

Nicolas Batum: A little too much hype, but still pretty good
Nicolas Batum was a lot of Fantasy GM's favorite sleeper coming into the season and he hasn't disappointed too much compared to average draft position. He's currently 91 over at GMTR and 60th overall if you ask Yahoo. He was starting in October, lost is job, won it back with Brandon Roy out and has posted a decent first month of 2011. 15 points, 5 rebounds and 1.8 threes with 0.6 turnovers are positive signs for the young Frenchman and he could easily play his way into a top 50 (for roto purposes) spot by the end of the year.

Grant Hill: The Detroit years
I just had a quick look at Grant Hill's stats for his first six years in the league. 21.5 points, 7.7 rebounds, 6.2 assists and 1.6 steals are some astounding numbers from a player I never got to see in his prime. Had the injuries not taken hold, He would have been one of the all time greats. Not dead quite yet though, as Grant is taking on a larger scoring role in the desert this season averaging a five year high of 15 points a game on 51% from the floor 83% from the line. I need the Suns training staff to have a look at my delirium tremens and see if they can't prolong my career a few more years...

The Bear would also like to announce our new corporate sponsors: Nissan! To celebrate this momentous occasion, we've teamed up to produce the first Fantasy Basketbear-mobile. A car that runs on pure counting stats, percentages and H2H victories.



Use the NBA Spider Graph generator here

Thanks for tuning in. Next up we take a long hard look in the mirror and ask: What are we doing with our lives?